reversehaven

Sine Cera

2009-02-10T23:50:00.002+08:00

i'm full of shit, you say.

guess what's worse than that?

full of wax. that's you, asshole.

Take your 'sincerity', shove it up your own sunshine ass and FUCK OFF.

to the rest:
i'm sorry for being so vulgar. I rarely ever am when i'm NOT kidding.

Kangaroo courts?

2009-01-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

I read the article about John Tan. Wearing T-shirts accusing the courts of being a kangaroo court..

I read also articles about the chees and what they did fighting the Lees in court.

I think stupidity knows no bounds in this two incidents. I think SDP doesn't realise one very important thing. They don't realise that while they can choose their actions, they cannot choose the consequences that follow. But the most stupid of all is this.... They rant and rant about how our freedom of speech is limited, but they don't realise that freedom of speech MUST come with responsibility. If the speaker is irresponsible, I believe that the right to freedom of speech must be taken away.

I agree with a controlled democracy. Call it dictatorship. Call it anything you like. But Singapore is Singapore as it is now, and not some slum, some unmarked, unknown location on the world map thanks to this controlled democracy. Thanks to this controlled democracy, was our economy truly able to develop.

I do not deny the fact that I think the PAP has made some wrong, bad, and unwise decisions. But before we start punching, I think we should all acknowledge first of all that it was them who brought us this far in the first place. It IS true that a controlled democracy isn't good all the way, that we would, as a maturing society, eventually have to drop the 'controlled democracy/dictatorship' way of doing things. But there again, we can only do so when our people are mature enough. But right now, if we were to ditch this controlled democracy, all hell will break loose. The status quo still stands.

At the end of the day, the chees have themselves to blame. If they were smart enough to point out in at least a tactful manner what is wrong and what is bad, situations might not have been so bad. A solution might have been reached. but no. they HAD to start smashing, bashing... I think wearing the tee shirts accusing the courst for being kangaroo courts.. that's over the limit. If you want justice served, and it's not served the way you want it to, be a lawyer. change it. But no. Don't wear tee shirts just plainly insulting the courts. it doesn't do more than land you in jail. you deserve to, anyway.

breaking the chain of command

2008-12-15T00:45:00.003+08:00

out of curiosity, I read about the case of 2LT Li HongYi. Yea everyone knows about it. I'm a bit late in finding out. I guess, unbecoming of a debater huh. I'm so detatched from the news nowadays.

Anyway, i think that the whole emphasis of this issue is wrong. Everything faults 2LT Li for not going through the chain of command. But nobody looked at what's more important. Here we have an officer who is behaving irresponsibly, not being at his post of duty. If say someone attacks us during that window of time (highly unlikely but still possible) can we say that we have one battallion less to defend ourselves with? And despite being reported, that officer was not put in his place with proper punishment. regular or not.

I think what is most unpardonable is the coverup. Nevermind that an officer AWOL'd, but he should be duly punished and put in his right position. Even after a warning, he repeated his mistake. that should not be right! and after this entire fiasco, he was let off with a mere fine. $2500. Can we say that for the numerous men who have committed this same offence.... they could pay this amount and avoid going to DB?

but maybe on the other side of the coin, have some people committed the same offence and been covered up for? should military law be more rigidly enforced? or can there be some slack in cerain cases?

Anyway, now we are talking about a regular. A professional soldier. Someone who is in a high position. commissioned by the president. I guess it's needful to mention that for someone like that, it is imperative that he/she does not neglect his duty. I guess i was most outraged by this. and even more so about the coverup. It's not fair that an officer can commit such a serious crime and only needs to forfeit about a month's or so worth of pay, while other people are punished with DB, having their ORD date shifted later, and so on.

There again, 2LT Li should have covered his own butt by going up the chain of command. He's already been up to an OC who hasn't done much about it, maybe he should go up one by one up the chain of command, just to see how far up the chain of command he has to go before getting an answer. i'm curious to know if we ever did use the chain of command, whether we will receive a satisfactory answer/solution, or is it another case of 'okay i answered. don't like my answer? suck thumb.'

Maybe there's a reason why not a lot of people want to sign on? perhaps things could be done differently in the military......

OCC parade.

2008-12-13T23:38:00.002+08:00

When my sergeant said OCS was a nice place.. he wasn't bluffing.

it IS a nice place.

But doing a parade for the OCTs who are getting commissioned made me feel a tinge of sadness and regret inside. Sometimes, I wonder if... I was just a bit stronger, a bit more resilient, a bit more......

Somewhere halfway through BMT, something in me swore that the SAF didn't deserve the use of my talents and skills. Now I look back and feel so humbled just looking at the newly commissioned OCTs. For the rest of their lives, people will look at them differently. Maybe you can say it's all hype. Maybe you know some OCTs who are f'd up. but I would say, to close your eyes and point at one of them, you'd more likely find someone strong in character, and highly in favour with his peers, than you would if you were to do that elsewhere in the SAF. For the rest of their lives, people will be saluting them, and yet I, a lowly private, will have to obey people for the rest of my reservist/NS life.

all the officer I will never be. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if i could have made it.... Although I don't know whether to be happy or not. IF i did get into OCS, it would be at the expense of my archery. I would not be able to shoot and train at this level. I'd probably end up getting out of the army, having to start archery afresh. Maybe this is for the better. I guess this is God's answer to me. That this is the path God wants me to tread.

well, as the counter ticks down, I count my days till I ORD. I can't wait till that happens. I regain my freedom from military law. That will begin a new chapter in my life. But for now, I will pay my dues to my country.

Citius, Altius, Fortius

2008-11-19T23:49:00.002+08:00

I just began my stay-in. But I realise that this.. being posted to parade band A, is probably what i've been asking of God all this time. God has granted me the perfect opportunity to upkeep a training regime.

Seeing the flow of sociopolitics in the archery arena, Soon, there will be just about nobody to keep me in check anymore. The national team.. just about all of them will be going to the army. It's going to be hard for them to keep up with me from there on.

Now I just need to focus on getting my performance level to where I want it............

Anyway, in camp, I find myself so much more focused. I find that i'm mroe disciplined when it comes to waking up, exercising, etc etc. And there are times we just have nothing to do. I will make use of this to train up.

Citius, Altius, Fortius..

sounds just like cougar company huh.... before doing chin-ups they'll always go AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH STRONGER BETTER FASTER COUGAR!!

Anime.

2008-11-14T19:08:00.002+08:00

Why must companies like Odex come into the picture? So far, this is the anime scene as far as i know. Some people in japan write storylines in manga format. These manga (comic) formats are usually adapted by a company to make an anime. Usually, most manga are followed closely by their respective anime. These anime are usually broadcasted on Tokyo TV, and usually in the japanese language.

Now what happens from here on is, subber groups or fansub groups LEGALLY (With permission of the original producers) take the anime, and put subtitles to it before redistributing it free for download. The original producers don't mind that because they are still making money for it, from the merchandise. it actually benefits them that the rest of the world gets to see the anime.

Here's where the ugly part comes in. Companies like Odex come into the picture and buy the sole rights to distribute the anime in singapore. I'm not sure if they bought the rights from the original producers themselves, or from the law in singapore(media development authority?)

Anyway, i'm fine paying for my anime, but NOT WHEN they do a HORRENDOUS JOB in subtitling it, sometimes double-translating them from the chinese-subtitled versions. The Subtitled translations could be so horrendous that sometimes the entire sentance just doesn't make sense!

here's an example. I happened to watch one of odex's products... Gundam seed. The dubbing that was shown on kids central was bad enough. Anyway, I watched the VCDs my friend loaned me (I still have them with me).

yes. In Gundam seed, there's this independant country called the united emirates of ORB. They're usually referred to as 'ORB' in gundam seed. The Jappo-nised pronounciation would sound something like OR-Buu.

To my disgust, Odex conveniently translated them in the subtitles to 'AUBE'. Half the time I had NO idea what AUBE was, until somewhere later, a picture of ORB's crest was shown and the subtitle appeared on the screen.

The quality of the videos were horrible too. And just for that 50-odd episodes, the regular buyer is charged a horrible sum of $115 (back some years ago) just to buy the whole bunch of CD/DVDs... all in horrible quality.

Now the question is this. First things first. Why should such companies be allowed to come in and buy rights to solely distribute the product in singapore, when first of all, the original producers already allowed it to be free?

Second of all. Why should that said company be allowed to come in and buy rights, and yet produce the anime in stores LATE by months (we don't get to watch it till months later, after it hits the stores) AND why should they be allowed to sell it in such horrendous quality when FREE FANSUB GROUPS DO IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEM?!

if they'd charge me for dattebayo-subbed anime i'd be fine with that, but not with the horribly singapore-subbed versions.

But we still look back to the first point. If the original producers allow fansubbers to sub and upload (for us to download) for free, why should companies like odex be allowed to come in as the middleman? Odex is losing money, yes. But that's money that didn't belong to them in the first place! Even so, every other country in the world receives it for free from the internet. It's not like it's wrong. The original creators of the anime don't lose money. They in fact, earn even more money through all the anime merchandise and cosplay items that are sold worldwide. win-win situation. Odex, sadly in this case, would simply be a thief.

Now, if companies like Odex were to simply buy the anime and then sub it nicely and properly and sell them in stores, I'm sure although people have downloaded and watched it, they'd still buy the CDs. If the company were to put the anime out at first possible opportunity, i'm sure half of the anime watchers would be willing to hit the stores to buy it rather than downloading. In the status quo, i'm quite sure just about everyone else would be willing to take their chances downloading anyway.

Well, i guess i'm one of the few smart ones around. I stream. No issue there. But I still hate companies like Odex with a passion. The law really does have a few loopholes. I write this blog entry in the hope that in due time, the law covers its loopholes, to serve justice as it should.

Same Same... But different.

2008-11-11T20:05:00.002+08:00

Everyone is trying so hard to be different. Everyone just wants to be original, recognised.. but eventually you find them intuitively doing the same things. Sometimes, it's so painfully cliche.

I think at the end of the day, the best thing to be is yourself. I'd rather make friends with someone who is himself/herself rather than someone who's a fake. Fake expressions, fake emotions, fake image, trying to be all complicated.. i get so sick of that.

Eugenics

2008-11-08T19:39:00.004+08:00

For a deeper understanding of eugenics, please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics

Basically, in a nutshell, Eugenics believes that there are some people who have superior genes, and for the human race to advance, people of superior genes should match up with other such people.

I believe in the fact that some people have genes superior to others. You can see it quite clearly, in which some people are talented in certain things, are taller, have better looking features.... I believe all these things are heditary, and it can be strongly suggested by looking at some people and their parents. The phrase 'like father like son' doesn't go very far wrong in this aspect, and I would extend this to cover their psychie or the way they think/thinking patterns, or even to their habits(although to an extent, I will believe that habits are inherited from influence)

However, to implement Eugenics is something that isn't right or fair. So far, the most popular example of its implementation would be the Holocaust, where some 43 million people of 'undesirable races' were killed. Nazi Germany would be fondly remembered for these, and the other policies where the forced sterilisation of people who were deemed genetically defective. So far, most implementations of genetics have been rather negative, involving either birth control, forced sterilisation, or in the example of the Holocaust, simply killing them.

What right do we humans have to play God? What right do we have to deny a fellow human of life? I suppose that an atheist could think differently, after all, the atheist does not have a moral absolute. Still, to forcefully deny people of their right to childbearing, or to life, is not a justifiable action in the light of the advancement of the human race. The benefits are still questionable. Will two parents with superior genes DEFINITELY bear and raise a child with superior genes? In the light of this, we have not considered the people who have paid the ultimate sacrifice (the right to give birth, or the right to live).

Anyway, i've pulled that to the extremes of the issue. I still believe in gene superiority in some people. I'll apply it to a local context. I would quote MM Lee in what he calls 'Assortative Mating'.

"We must encourage those who earn less than $200 per month and cannot afford to nurture and educate many children never to have more than two… We will regret the time lost if we do not now take the first tentative steps towards correcting a trend which can leave our society with a large number of the physically, intellectually and culturally anaemic"

“If you don’t include your women graduates in your breeding pool and leave them on the shelf, you would end up a more stupid society…So what happens? There will be less bright people to support dumb people in the next generation. That’s a problem.”

Personally, I think that it would be true that if graduates were to mate strictly with graduates, you'd likely have a pool of people who are smarter and more naturally gifted. It's true. But that would be very unethical to be discouraging people of 'inferior genes' from having children, or more than two children, for the matter. It is true that if you're not able to handle, nurture or educate children well, you shouldn't have too many because that is too many on your hands. However if they (people of 'inferior genes) like children and they want more children, the state should not have the authority to intervene.

Ultimately, I think one of the most important thing in our society is the quality of marriage. That's become quite a commodity in these days. These days, people have become less conservative... I think it's more important to focus on the quality of marriages, where spouses stick together. No point putting two uni grads together when they are always at conflicting interests. Think about it. The Husdband is out at work. Out early in the morning, Back late at home. He needs a wife who is there to take care of things. Having a uni-grad wife will mean two things.

One : she's out working too. If she can find a job that gives her a lot of freedom to commit to things like housework and taking care of the kids, well and good. Otherwise, who will take care, and (in MM Lee's own words) "educate and nurture" the children? the maids?

Two: She's at home. Housewife. But how many uni-grad females are willing to be housewives? they've slaved all their lives out for a uni cert, only to end up doing housework and take care of the kids for the rest of their lives. Makes sense to you?

It may not end up being such a good thing after all, uni-grad with uni-grad. Perhaps if a uni grad guy were to go with a girl who has... say.. .a diploma... might fare better. All that being said, I still agree that one should find a spouse of his/her level. I don't find it realistic to be picking a spouse of a higher or lower academic status. At least, not too much higher/lower. The most important thing at the end of the day though, would be compatibility.

In summary, eugenics is something that isn't practical to be implemented. The only effective methods of implementation might involve things like ethnic cleansing, or birth control, which ultimately are controversial at best. Assortative mating, if transformed into a policy of some sort would be questionable too, especially since it doesn't make perfect sense : it has flaws.

In conclusion, It's probably better to stay with the status quo. Let nature take its course. But rather, focus all the effort instead on the quality of marriages, and the quality of family building. Confucius believed that the family is the building block of society, and rightly so. That statement appears on "our shared values" on the brown covers of our exercise books in pri/sec schools. Why not focus on that?

One of these days

2008-11-05T22:40:00.002+08:00

I didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
But that left me nowhere
I watched the station
Saw the bus pulling through
And I don't mind saying
A part of me left with you

So one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'Cause that's where I'm home…oh

Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much?
Was I not deserving
one second of your touch?

And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'Cause that's where I'm home… oh

What would you do if I could have you?
oh if I could
i'd let you feel everything I'm thinking
Wouldn't that be nice?

And one of these daysI won't be afraid of staying with you

beauty in simplicity

2008-11-04T22:58:00.002+08:00

Sometimes in life I find things are a little too complex. Sometimes it's so much better to just savour the simple things in life and find contentment and satisfaction in it.

As I stood by the window on the MRT riding home, I watched the sun's evening rays glare through the window. Then a scene flashed back through my mind. I recall watching Jurassic Park as a kid and being so frightened by the Velociraptors and T-rexes through the film. I hated watching it the first few times. But the scene that flashed through my mind was the last scene. This doctor guy, with blood caked around on his clothes, and this female lead, and the kids, climbed on board the helicopter, and they bade Jurassic Island good bye as they escaped... And the helicopter flew out to the sea, into the sunset. Beautiful scene. A simple sunset we all take for granted; yet it was so beautiful.

Sometimes some things could be so simple and yet really beautiful. Why do classical music pieces have to be so complex, so completely technical, when crotchets simply strung up together played with a flute could be the most beautiful thing a man's ever heard in his life?

cup noodles.

2008-10-30T23:20:00.002+08:00

how to make cup noodles..... the rugged style!

first you need a cup. Preferably one of those cups that behave like a thermos flask... those are usually designed to keep coffee hot for long periods of time in the office. I got mine free as some office gift -,-.

Take your regular standard-issue pack of instant noodles..

crush it up OR break it up into smaller blocks anddddd
put it into the cup. duh.

fill the cup with hot water,

put the seasoning in,

now cover it and leave the bugger there for awhile. give it at least 3 mins and HEY PRESTO you got instant noodles. Now i'm just too bloody lazy to go cook it in a pot ever again. Unless I intend to add in some other random stuff to transform it into a more wholesome meal.

I used this quite a lot in the army... in BMT.... Usually because cup noodles were expensive, plus i had a free cup, plus we had a lot of leftover packs of instant noodles which were issued with the combat rations for outfield. SO... the genius i am put them to good use. Ten points for the smart guy! :D

got my groove back!

2008-10-28T22:20:00.002+08:00

Was dead tired today. Had barely 3 hours of sleep. But somehow, after not having shot much last week, I decided to go back to shoot. My dogged determination to drag myself to the range paid off... I spent 2 fruitful hours in the range slugging arrow after arrow onto the board.

The news is broken. I've gotten my groove back. Now i'm not quite where I was just before I left to enlist.... but make no mistake. i'm back.

everything just clicked nicely in.. my shots felt perfect. close to perfect.

i'm gonna go at it again tomorrow.

Phase one - complete!

2008-10-27T23:49:00.003+08:00

Finally managed to finish cleaning my room. Just for a bit. It was hard and tiring though, and I didn't really manage to clean everything I wanted to. But what I managed to do, was to clean up the war-torn areas in my room.. caused by 9 weeks of neglect in BMT.. Prior to today, I typically had to step over a few items strewn on the floor before I reached my bed. Never really had time to clean up, and things kept piling on my desk one by one.

I ended up having to throw a lot of things away. close to 10 NTUC plastic bags' worth? i don't know. I lost count. But in the midst of all that cleaning up, I ended up chancing upon some items from my past, and i'd sit there reminiscing for quite a bit, wondering if i should keep or throw them away. I hate that. Sometimes I wish i could just leave my past behind.

So i'd sit there wondering if i should keep it or throw it away.. I know i should throw it away, but the sentimental side in me just... felt like i'm throwing a piece of me away. I guess i ended up throwing most things away...

but sooner or later, i'd want to throw most of the things away... I'd want a room such that.. when i DO get married, i'll just need to shift the things i'm using, and i don't have much i'll need to throw away. I hate having to sit through this ordeal again... but that'll mean another 2 days' worth. I cleaned up most of the stuff I shifted from my old house some 6 years ago.... now all i'm left with is all the rubbish i have collected in my various drawers, plus the rubbish on the table, some of which I might still need to use.......

here are some photos.......

BEFORE: the war-torn room. I wasn't kidding!

That's where I put my bow strung up all the way on days i don't shoot. The table then typically becomes my workshop where I make strings, do fletching, etc etc.

My room's used for ironing..... so that part can't really be helped, really.

Not quite standby condition yet!!

Still leaves much to be desired, but hey... at least i've cleared all the items from the top of my cupboard... all my old stuff, all the bugger stuff i have under my bed (which had collected a LOT of dust), and my LBV, helmet, field pack, duffel bag, and all my other army stuff... which had been blocking the ironing area for months now.

massive undertaking

2008-10-27T11:09:00.002+08:00

My room's been a warzone.. for a pretty long time now. Actually, I cleared it up sometime in my poly days... and then again just before enlisting... but as the weeks went by all the clutter just couldn't stop gathering.. a mixture of too many things coming in, and too little time to sort it out and throw away those that I dont need.

Anyway, I wanted to go and shoot today but i decided to clean up my room.... and then shoot in my very own indoor 3m range. Or maybe i'll make some changes to it!!

Friends

2008-10-26T18:06:00.002+08:00

Seem pretty short of them, lately. Sometimes I wonder where they've all gone. I guess I don't stick. Close friends are hard to find.

I don't quite like acquaintences. Usually they just stick to you for some benefit you could give them.

Oh well. All my old friends.... so little time to meet up with them for a proper chat... I guess even though i'm in a slack vocation, they might not have the time for me either =X

PORTFORWARD...

2008-10-25T19:42:00.001+08:00

ARGH.. been trying to forward ports all day long.. =/

Yea. I just joined a squadron.. VFS27... so that i can play falcon 4 with them....

Apparently, i can't play with them at all if i don't unblock my ports..... but i can't seem to do it.

dammit man.

BAACK

2008-10-25T19:21:00.003+08:00

think I'll begin posting again. I guess I miss typing out. Don't know who'd read, i guess I don't care either.

Okay----- so let's begin with a really long update about me.
Between my last few posts and now,

Archery:
Trained hard daily for national open, ended up in a disappointing 5th.. but good enough.
Was invited to train with the national team at the 'national range' (whatever that means)...
Sat through the Archery elections, and a meeting held by the new president....

And then I enlisted.

Had 9 gruelling and tiring weeks of BMT, didn't shoot for 9 weeks... hated the army, resented the army, but I guess after it all, sometimes...just sometimes, I miss BMT.. for all the fun we've had there.. Tiring, yes...but at least, it's fun.

Unfortunately, I missed my SIT test cuz of a lung infection... so no command school for me. Instead, I got posted to SAF bands. Now i don't quite know if I should be happy or sad there.. I guess since I get time to shoot, I can't really complain, can I?

and so here I am. SAF bands. training wing....Enough about my boring life. Anyway, everything else is uncertain, My future education, love life, social life.. I guess i'll just stick content with what I have now :)

heartscope.

2008-05-03T21:55:00.003+08:00

to look into the hearts of a person, and to see what he/she is inside. sometiems I wonder how reliable a blog is. i'm sure many people exploit blogs to cast a false identity, which is something i've been seeing too much of lately. Everyone tries to be what they are not, and when you realise the true person they are underneath, sometimes you feel so disillusioned you never saw that side of them after all, and you feel so stupid for having stuck with them thick and thin.

Sometimes I wonder where all my friends are disappearing to. I've lost quite a fair few of those i thought to be my closest friends to false personalities. Yes it's true that I have my closest friends.. but where's that lazy outer circle? it's almost as if I only have my closest friends right now.

Nat open

2008-04-28T22:21:00.002+08:00

I believe many have heard my story already but i guess i'll tell. It all boiled down to this final day and............ I made it there late. I thought I was early, ended up there just in the nick of time. Was fiddling with everything, and ended up long story short, I had to squeeze into my lane, without a chance to use the scope. Was totally disoriented and had no idea where my arrows were flying. I ended up with a 234 for my 90m. The second worst i've scored since the first time I scored at 90m, with two 'M's,... Couldn't have been worst. Ranked 16th right off in the first round. However, I caught my ground quickly.

come 70m round, I could almost see where most of my arrows were flying. I ended up with some really good ends(one with 3 tens and 3 nines), and had the stage set for scoring one of my best scores at 70m but suddenly the wind picked up. I couldn't use my scope, and ended up with a 297. Just 7 points below my best. I wasn't too happy with it, but it was good enough.

my 50m round was better, though. I had a 303. I had the stage set for a very good round again, but I lost it in the last 6 arrows, hitting blues and reds. Well, the good thing is that i'm one point above my best score but.....

I ended off my 30m round with a 337, paralleling my personal best. Totalled 1171. Wasn't quite what I hoped for. I was hoping for a 1202, what I could get if I didn't flop my 90m....

But somehow, it didn't matter to me at all. All my hopes and dreams were gone already. I was hoping on riding on national team status to get training time out from the army, but it seems like my hopes for entering the national team this year are effectively dashed. Thanks to the fact that the AGM hasn't been held and stuff like that. I hear rumours that when the committee switches, the new committee would fire this present korean coach, but more importantly, by the time they actually get down to holding a proper national selection trial, i'd be long running botak with m-16s in the army. 10 jul is the date to beat.

ah well. this is life.

complicated

2008-03-30T23:04:00.002+08:00

i guess sometimes life dishes out really complex issues for the frail human mind to handle. sometimes maybe there are entanglements of emotions. it's so right and yet so wrong. I guess maybe it's a good idea not to advance for now. after all, we have to be realistic, the future isn't certain. sometimes i wish things were just really so simple.

national trials. i've improved two indices. not a lot, but good. sometimes i wish that were enough, but gusts of wind or feeling of fatigue could easily topple my performance. I have three weeks left. maybe not enough time at all... i guess i just have to hope and pray.

sometimes I wonder if this is the right path to go. sometimes i wonder maybe this isn't what God wants for me. well, i guess i just have to wait and see..... but I hoep that I keep in remembrance that no matter what the outcome, God has written the past, and has written destiny, and that whatever is to happen is already predetermined. but most of all, that all things work for the good to them that love Him. maybe I might read back on this post and linger upon it, and maybe see things in a different light. the future is certain i guess, just that sometimes our human nature screams out what to do, and God's soft prompting is just so easily ignored.

food for thought.

2008-03-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

Made someone's day. Think i really like doing that. Just don't have enough days to make and people to make them to.

Elitism.. Now i'm beginning to hate elitists. Now there's a fine line between elites and elitists, but i hope i can be an un-elitist elite. Still a long way to go and my olympic dream still isn't anywhere close to materialisation. But first, to be the best in the world, i must first be best in singapore.

till that day comes.

reminisence

2008-03-14T23:26:00.002+08:00

had a chance to look back into my past. guess i don't like most of my past, huh. it seems like a whole section of my past was so forcefully erased from my memories, or rather i didn't want to remember it, and yet suddenly i start flashing back reminiscing about it.

i guess the only thing that holds promise is the future. life's a race and he who looks back runs slower. I just wanna get to the end of time, finish this race and transcend to eternity.

title

2008-02-22T21:54:00.002+08:00

you've just earned the title 'useless'. No it's not a coveted title, don't worry. you know who you are. i'm just disappointed I threw a ticket in your direction.

injured shoulder

2008-02-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

Yea guess that's what it says. A sharp pain coming to the top of my upper trapezius... the shoulder strain... when I come to full draw. Guess you guys won't understand technical terms but guess i'm down for now....

I give up on my FYP. it's not worth it anymore. I'm just... waddling around this pool of mud trying to find pins for answers. sometimes i step on them, sometimes i find them by luck. Not veyr pleasant. I'm feeling so utterly miserable. I want out. If my supervisor asks why i'm not continuing the project, i'll tell him "I want my life back, thank you."

My destiny.... I still don't know where it leads. I think i'll walk along the path till I see it converge again. I have to sign up for U soon. Gotta send my transcript and application in quickly before the date closes...........ah well. I could use some help here.

Wierd dreams

2008-02-08T16:44:00.000+08:00

Hmm. if you ever had wierd dreams, were they wierd enough for you to remember them?

well, i've always had dreams, but never really remembered most of my dreams. I think perhaps it's because i've had good sleep most of the time, but only recently I began to remember my dreams. here are two of the most bizzare ones.

I was on a seat. Yea the Office rolley type. and I heard some eerie voice saying somethinga bout a drug effect wearing off. Then my vision cleared and OH! i'm on the top floor of the hotel. Then suddenly I started panicking. I had a handgun with me, and this serial killer (hannibal) started chasing me. I fired at him but to no avail. Somehow he didn't die. I mustered what was left of my strength to pick up some fire extinguisher and threw it at him........ I woke up, panting, heart pumping...

gawsh. Went back to bed. Somehow, there was a round 2 of the game. Started out the same way. This time I knew that serial killer guy was coming after me. I ran and found a way out of the roof. Bizzarely I ended up in some type of restaurant, but nobody seemed to care that a serial killer was after me. I ran on through the rest of the restaurant, out into the main entrance of the place. I thought, "alright, if i get a car outta this place i should be safe." but... i didn't know how to get to the carpark! I saw two of the hotel security guards, and wierdly enough, they were both armed with SMGs. I told them my story but they didn't really believem e, but anyway, got them to escort me to the carpark. Then somehow, as we entered this glass doors, the serial killer guy got one of the two guards (who was ten metres behind). I yelled to the guard in front, only to have the serial killer pounce on me. the guard opened fire................ and I looked into the serial killer's face. the name hannibal ringing in my head..... and his face looked chinese. I woke up again..............

well, that was one hella wierd dream. but here's another one.

I dreamt of my FYP supervisor (Tan Cheng Huat) walking through a very unfamiliar looking campus. Supposedly, the campus was supposed to be SP.... I was walking through and somehow noticed him beside me. I called out to him, then he started asking me about the project. Yes as you all know, in real life he's a really supercillious supervisor and always railed me for nothing over the project. Okay so suddenly he took out two hand pumps (yea, like the ones you use to pump water out of your fish tank.. the ones made out of plastic... just smaller, and finger sized) and told me to use it for my FYP. I explained to him why they can't be used, because our project is an electronic project, and these hand pumps won't come in useful at all. He insisted we use it for our project for some wierd reason, and said something about bubbles through water and some shit..........

and i woke up...................................

thought i'd amuse you guys with my no-link dreams.

frustration

2008-01-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

guess i'm so frustrated at this point in time to really type out a full entry.

suffice to know i'm fully and utterly disappointed in SP. don't for nuts' sake send your kids here.

quoth from my project supervisor 'i don't care about anythign else, i only want to see the wheelchair move' thanks huh. he doesn't bother about our learning process, don't bother about the effort we've put in, but he only bothers about himself.

that speaks loads about him since he's given us virtually zero support, and screwed us at every conceivable opportunity.

and FYP in SP.... we were bloody just thrown into the deep blue and expected to swim or die. but swim or die we must still produce a moving project for them to see. that's all they're interested in huh. i'm stil disappointed.

breakthrough!

2008-01-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

5 minutes with a lowly labtech did wonders. And to think that lowly labtech barely knew what he was doing.............

and that 5 minutes beat the ENTIRE MONTH we had with Dr Wang..... considering all he really needed to do was SIT DOWN for 5 minutes and bloody LOOK at our programme.

damn. we missed spinnovex thanks to him, if we had only been able to grab hold of this helpful labtech guy just one week earlier, we'd be sitting there in the spinnovex now, maybe getting a gold, silver or bronze.

archery... don't know how it's gonna go. don't look pretty now. I'll skate a bit more for the time being. :D

ID-10 T error.

2008-01-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

some people suffer from the ID-10 T error. yes if you haven't noticed, it spells IDIOT. apparently five minutes with a lowly labtech which we didn't get to meet for an entire month solved virtually all of the big problems we had in our project... compared to one full month asking a DOCTORATE IN ELECTRONICS.

ah well, that's the way things are now. i hope I do'nt meet much more serious obstacle rushing my project to the finishing line. it's going to be a mad 3 day rush, followed by a mad week studying, and then a mad two weeks of exams. this is the final lap. i hope i don't screw up.

Time Machine

2008-01-09T00:21:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder.. what if I could just transport myself to four weeks' later. what life would be like then?

it's just another four weeks to go. The pressure seems to be tapered off just a bit as we finish some stuff. a bit more to go!

now if only I could find out how to output those data bits! everything will be fine! I just hope I don't get any less than a B. would really appreciate an A for FYP, but any less than a B would be utterly devastating..

it's just another 4 weeks... actually 6 (if you count the SPcare exhibition) till i'm done with SP.

in the meantime, ima gonna start my training programme slow jog. let's see how things go!

must be dreaming

2008-01-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

it feels like I could just reach accross eternity in the blink of an eye, and stretch out my fingers and touch the tips of perfection

and yet it feels like I have fallen down to the depths of destruction

life moves so quickly around me, time zips past me, everyone's speaking too fast

i try to run, I can't. My muscles ache, I push. I push hard, i pant, i've lost my breath. Suddenly, I slip, and I fall. I hit the ground, and bounce up into the air, and again I hit the ground.

the gold right before me, I stretch out my hands to reach it, I struggle to my feet........ I stretch out somemore........................

I must be dreaming. my life's a dream. I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock, and as what i've done for the past three months, grab the windowsill and drag myself monotonously out of bed, one hour late for class.

it's just five more weeks. five more weeks. I'll wipe my sweat, i'll shed my blood, but i'll GRADUATE!.

withdrawn!

2008-01-01T19:33:00.000+08:00

Just withdrew my project from spinnovex. I suddenly feel a slight sense of regret. I can't help feeling that i'm missing out on a grade they could have given us, but it's not like we could help it either.

the pressure to finish the project by this week is gone, but lo and behold, we still have to finish the project somehow. by march. That's not too tough, considering the fact that we only have three things left to get done. the first is to whoop Dr Wang's ass and get him to give us the controller. the second is to fix it up. easy as pie. but the third thing is something we've been worrying about the past month. How to OUTPUT THE DATA BITS.

I sure as hell hope this doesn't eat into the precious one month I have left to train for the trials.. All my potential competitors will have that same one month (if not more) to train for the trials. For me to be superior to them, I need, apart from a superior training programme... i still need enough time.

never a dull moment in life. I guess i'll put my trust in God and see how this works out. I still hope to finish my project in this five weeks, slug the thing out and get it over with.

countdown

2007-12-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

The date draws near. As every screw is drilled into the spinnovex tentage, so spells the coming of our doom.

i sure hope we don't fail our final year project. it's been a bloody hard year. i'm now at my wits' end with absolutely nobody around to consult. don't know for nuts what's wrong with my setup or programme, but it just won't clock data bits out. don't wanna live through that for nuts anymore.

And there again there's the constant worry about performance. how i'll somehow jump back from not having trained much in the past few months to full high performance level.... Tyler Benner and the rest of resident athletes at the USA OTC chula vista got where they were after constant everyday training for the past full year. i'm not anywhere close to where they were when they started, though i've had a high performance coach from the USA teaching me the BEST method, but one month of dedicated training ain't going to bring me very far.

maybe i should take time away from everything and take a really long skate. this year's screwed me up pretty bad.

Christmas.

2007-12-24T22:03:00.001+08:00

Got myself new skates. bam. SEBA FR-1s. Originally wanted the translucent blue boot (comes in 3 colours, the blue, black, or orange, all three with a white cuff and silver frame). However, it wasn't a tight fit, so I had to go for something sized down. unfortunately, only the black/white one had size. I took that one.

enjoyed sunday thoroughly. Christmas, and the second watchnight service I attended with NTBC. the first one since my baptism. the watchnight service was held at uncle Thuan Wee's house. he's got such a beautiful house, and basically all of us gathered in there. was nice and cozy. thought of going for carolling, but ah screw it. guess i'm late for it.

had a totally uneventful christmas. spent my christmas day skating alone.

just a song that i heard, and has been running through my mind.

there is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from immanuel's veins;

and sinners plunged beneath the flood lose all their guilty stains.

lose all their guilty stains(X2)

and sinners plunged beneath the flood lose all their guilty stains.

wishlist update

2007-12-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

1)guitar (thinking of buying my pastor's fender)
2)spotting scope
3)new x-10s...
4)waterproof footwear
5)new skates (WAITING FOR CLARICE TO GO SKATE SHOPPING WITH ME)

heh but still, anyone who thinks you're generous enough to gimme a christmas gift...

sleep

2007-12-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

slept thrugh most of the day. Was supposed to meet Andrea at ZH to train. However, I woke up at about 9+. when I left home, it rained. BAH. actually was onm y way already, so i went back, checked out of the MRT. as i was walking on the overhead bridge back, saw the korean coach. heh. yea, i know she lives near me. nothing new. as always, we pretended we don't know each other (or actually, we DON'T, though we've seen each other before. so what's there to pretend?)

went back and played tiberian sun, ate lunch, and fell asleep since it was still raining. Slept till 3, when the rain stopped. lucky me. I had a good 2 hours of shooting time.

march trials.....hm. i'm not ready for it. Yet. but the cogs of fate have begun to turn. we'll see how it all turns out.

blackout

2007-12-18T20:13:00.000+08:00

went for medical checkup. yea the army one. I had a medical history of thalessemia minor from my mum's side, and they needed to check, so they were drawing blood from me. They drew two vials (about half a test tube i think, maybe slightly smaller) of blood from me. The first vial was alright, but during the second vial, i suddenly felt dizzy. I voiced it out. the MO was like 'aiya it's quite normal.' then before i knew it, i saw white spots, and urgent voices, and next moment i knew, he'd withdrawn the needle and put a plaster in place, and i was breathing hard. the white spots suddenly turned black and everything turned black. scary experience.

Was blind for five minutes on, though i could hear what they were saying, ended up lying there at the lab station for half an hour before i continued. bah.

well, i'm a PES D pending investigation. But getting a PES C or something similar may not entirely be a bad thing. though i'll regret not having a full BMT. it's something i've been looking forward to all my life. I hope they don't deprive me of it.

x-10

2007-12-18T00:12:00.001+08:00

broke my first X-10. wasn't very heartbreaking. I shot it into a soft spot in the boards at PPCC indoor... and the tip hit the wall at the back. I swear i coulda kicked myself for shooting that (quite obviously soft) spot. but it wasn't too bad.

my arrows are an inch too long, though a spine too stiff. Got tang to cut this one. Luckily the crack only propogated just three quarts of an inch. voila. i'll just trim the rest and use this baby along with it when i'm strong enough to use my 44 pound winEXs without injuring myself. just not now.

victory... i can just touch it with the tip of my fingers. But first, I have to graduate. the shinies can wait. in the meantime..... ZH here I come...

masks

2007-12-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

I wear so many masks sometimes I lose perspective of who I really am. Beneath one mask lies another.

Was talking to enhua about dating. Now i'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever fully reveal my true self. When I find my next date?

nah. don't think i'll date for awhile. a long while. I can't for nuts drag a woman with me to the olympic gold. IF i ever get there.

rain again

2007-12-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

And when it rains, it rains safely after the camp. It's so amazing to see again with this healing faith of mine the power of God to hold back the rain, even for a day.

though even if it were to rain during the camp, God must have some purpose or plan for it, which constantly amazes me, since God is such a content intensive being. Nothing is done for fun or meets no purpose. Everything, even creation, has it's purpose or plan under the sky.

I put my trust in God.

crunch

2007-12-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

two and a half weeks. Crunch time.

the most frustrating thing is that my program seems right. I cross-checked it with other programs I could find on the internet. BUT THE DAMN SERIAL PORT WON'T BLOODY OUTPUT THE BLOODY DATA........

oh well. it's going to be a long wintry christmas. can't wait till I graduate.

and when I do, I hope the wind blows my sails. It's time for the wheels of destiny to turn. Akatsuki no kuruma. do i have the mandate of heaven?

a time for conquest?

2007-12-10T00:21:00.001+08:00

is it time for the cogs of fate to sail, or the time for the wheels of destiny to turn?

the question burns in my mind, I can't put it to rest.

Do I have the mandate of heaven?

"May you hit all the targets in your life with God's help, but be prepared to miss some if that is not what God wants for you"

will i hit this target?

rain.

2007-12-08T19:37:00.000+08:00

raindrops pattered onto the pavement like coins on a wooden table. I stood and embraced the rain pelting my face. My lips tasted sour-bitter as the rain trickled down my hair, eroding the sweat and grime.

it's been sometime since i've felt as good as this. though it rained and I couldn't shoot anymore, guess that's better than nothing.

expletive.profanity.expletive.

2007-12-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

wonder how much worse things can get. someone doesn't do his job, and I take the rap. In the end, while I had my bow slung over my shoulder, happily thinking I could get to shoot today, BAM. I end up, bowcase slung over my shoulder and going back; all too late to shoot.

I hate where I am now. I just friggin wish I can GRADUATE.

dread.

2007-12-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

every morning is a struggle to wake up. I hate my life as it is now. Thankfully I have the window grilles I can grab to drag myself out of bed.

back to an information burn. it's going to be a very intensive six weeks. After eight weeks it'll all be over.

it'll all be over... .... ... ..... just eight weeks to go... .... .... ..... ......

never felt so good.

2007-12-02T23:53:00.001+08:00

leaving behind a bunch of responsibilities. When I thought to take justice upon my shoulders, maybe something hit me on the head. Why am I so stupid? should have just let history repeat itself, after all, i'm not protecting any of my personal interests by making this venture, and i don't lose anything in terms of personal interests should anything change for the worse in this field...

but nobody realises this. that peace is something unachievable unless everything is open and aboveboard, and everything is accounted for. and what's more important, wrongs are righted, and faults are admitted, forgiveness given. Everyone seems to think that peace only exists where you shut up when you're wronged.

but that's okay. i've said my piece. i've let it go. the end of the line for me.

Power.

2007-11-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you wonder why people cling on to power for dear life.
Yea. Like even after they're supposed to have passed it down, they generously help themselves to whatever leftovers there might be.

And worse still, sometimes you wonder why people who abuse power would even be given the power in the first place. Authority doesn't make you a leader. it gives you chance to be one. But they make use of the power to grant themselves added benefits. Despicable down to the very bone!

whatever the case, I've seen this happen once too many. I cannot keep silent and roll my sleeves. Beware, power abusers. I will stop at nothing to remove you.

20.

2007-11-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

well, i've lived for two decades. I've always wondered what it's like to have lived for two decades. or have seen two decades just fly pass you. I always thought in the year 2000 we would have travellators like the jetsons and stuff. Tio scammed, now we're in 2007 but we don't have that yet.

so much has changed. Back then when I was just a toddler, the MRT only ran to clementi, and we had to take bus to get to katong, my grandparents' place.

back then in primary school, I used to wet my pants and my bed.

memories....sometimes I just wish I had a day off and a day to look back and reflect.

Woke up today...dragged myself out of bed. I really hated having to. having to go to school. woke up at 10, yea already late for lesson, dragged myself out of bed and ended up in class 40 minutes late. Spent the afternoon lecture time in the lecture theatre trying to set up the programming for the microchip. one of the not so happy birthdays ,but heck. birthdays aren't big events to me.

Came back, and my mum gave me a red packet containing $60. Felt elated, and i'm now scheming on how to get another $60 so that I can buy myself a decent acoustic guitar.

one thing i can't understand. what's with birthdays? never had much special stuff about them, but why does everyone make such a big fuss about them?

tio scammed!

2007-11-19T19:56:00.000+08:00

haha. to all who wished me happy birthday, i'm sorry to disappoint you that it's not my birthday. haha. Well, I put a fake birthday in friendster when I started my account some..... 4 years ago? yea, but I didn't bother to update it so it's still a fake birthday.

but still, I appreciate the birthday wishes, and if any of you wants to know the real date, just promise to treat me on the day itself you'll be entitled to know :P

the hypocrite and critic in me.

2007-11-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if each of us has a hypocrite and a critic in us. I seem to have one. Everything I seem to fight so strongly for, there seems to be just a portion of me who would cross the bounds and do the exact opposite.

and many times, I'm so self-critical, to the extent that I double think everything I do after it's done and feel bad about most of it.

Just wild thinking. Anyway, got my nice grey copic marker. Alright, gonna start doing some drawing. Art is a BANG!. Never entirely appreciated or enjoyed art until now. maybe i'll post some pics when i'm done.

Amaretsu

2007-11-01T15:36:00.000+08:00

The most beautiful of insults are those in which the insulted do not realise they are insulted.

I still have a vendetta. It is not complete.

Just another two days....

Truth.

2007-10-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

I see you for who you are now. There's no hiding from the truth. And to think I tried to be considerate. And to think I thought you were fine.

I'm shocked to realise what you are. Three days of shock. I'm fine now.

But I am disappointed. I'm glad I finally left you.

No name-calling. You know who you are.

rant.

2007-10-27T19:20:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate people who don't care about facts and just shoot first, talk later?

yea. I do. I hate people who don't consult the facts, take matters into their own hands and begin messin' with you. Not like we get those kinda characters all the time, but I have to admit, life loses it's jive without them.

Not like I make a lot of enemies, but there are some people who just don't care to consult the facts. I hate those kinda people. Bad enough they don't consult the facts, but some start backstabbing you online and offline with their personal assumptions. And sometimes worse still, they aren't even involved directly with the said incident (which they claim they're all so offended about).

Tired of those people. Ah well, we'll see how things turn out. Oh. think you're guilty? think i've misrepresented you? holler on my tagboard.

Lost.

2007-09-08T21:24:00.000+08:00

Feeling lost. It's as though suddenly quite a lot of things have been taken from me. Some friendships I hold, but right now i realise how shallow they truly are. Whatever rocks your boat man. I feel like swearing. Some people stay with you when you've got the same agenda. But when you don't have the same agenda, they bite you behind the back. thanks arh.

And whilst i thought being a volunteer, a hyperactive person would bring some spirit to a group, I realise they just soak it all up. i'm the (thanks arh) work for you all, get the job done and you guys enjoy while i F*** off.

And to think i was the only one noble enough to foot out some cash to get drinks for everyone. They helped themselves to it like it was their right. thanks and F you. I should have saved that bunch of cash, happy in my wallet. They can buy me some other nice shizzy things for me to enjoy MYSELF. and all they're interested in is their very own little cliques. you're not in their clique you're not welcome. Thanks. i'd rather be outcast.

don't know who i'm referring to? feel you need a hint? you know who you are.

melancholic

2007-08-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

Preparing for battle. Fletched my arrows. Feels so good shooting them after it's newly fletched.

had a bad day. The skies poured out on me. sometimes when it's wet, nothing beats keeping your feet dry. Sometimes i wish i could be heartless. Sometimes I wish i have something to look forward to. I guess life is like this, full of ups and downs.

Well, at least for now, i'll wait till saturday. Should I attend the knockouts?

Melancholic

2007-08-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

the past haunts me.
sometimes i'd wish it leave me alone.

why does it have to come back?

I'd rather live in the present.

A flash of cold steel. Is that what life is all about? i'd rather live a warrior's life. Life and death determined in a second.

No.

No, i'm the reversehaven.

get your life in order. NOW!

2007-08-04T00:51:00.000+08:00

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum.
Let him who desires peace, prepare for war.

I'm sharpening my sword, making new bowstrings, fletching my arrows....

sometimes life can be so tiring. In the going, i'm so worn down by the responsibilities I have. Sometimes short bursts of inspirations keep me going, but I am relying too much on my own strength.

Sometimes I wonder why I take more things onto my shoulders, and sometimes I wonder why I do not seek the wiser action-the action to just fold my sleeves and watch the titanic in it's death throes.

Life is a battle. I have learnt my lesson. Now I travel light. let him who desires peace prepare for war.

A piece of paper....

2007-07-06T00:03:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how many times you could fold a piece of paper in half before it's too thick to fold? Yeah. Even using large mahjong paper, you can only fold it in half seven times before it's too thick to fold. Screws your mind huh? go give it a try. heh.

Hmm. but if you WERE able to fold paper infinitely, ever wondered how tall a piece of paper could get if you folded it in half fifty times?
Hmm. one inch thick?
one metre?
Ten metres?

Still wrong. Since the paper doubles it's height each time you fold it, by the second fold it's four times as thick. By the seventh fold it's 128 times i'ts original thickness. By the tenth fold it should be 1024 times it's thickness. That would be two reams of new A4 paper. That means that by the 14th fold, it should be 16384 times as thick. That would equate to 32 reams of new A4 paper, which will definitely be about your height. by 50 times, it should be as tall as the eiffel tower. you do the math.

Screws your mind, doesn't it? just one small piece of paper. heh.

Edit. Just got bored so..... decidedd to rant about this lecturer guy around....

We were having our Archery booth at the SP open house. so this moustached guy walked past and started staring with interest. I think he should be a lecturer. Then we engaged in a conversation which made me wonder how many other idiots there are out there in this world.

him:have you all seen the REAL bows and arrows?
me:uhh, Sir, these are real.
him:nono. i mean have you all seen thos REAL bows an arrows? the REAL ones?
me:stares at him quizzically
him:i mean those with (makes a triangular shape at the arrow tips)
me:oh, you mean those with broadheads, those used for hunting?
him:yah
me:oh we engage in target archery, so we do not use those types of bows and arrows.
him:nono, i mean those real types, Metal types of bows, those two parts joined together type
me:metal, this is metal too *points to james' metal riser, the winstar2*
him: no no, i mean those that you make your own arrows wan. The type with goose feathers and stuff like that. Those are the real bows, need licence to carry around becasue they can kill. I know that because I do alot of archery in the UK(ED:erh.. what do you mean 'a lot of archery in the UK?!' that's poor english. and besides, target archery makes up 70% of the entire archery fraternity, if you count ski archery, hunting, traditional, and yada.)
me: but sir, these can kill too. Though we don't need a licence because they are sporting equipment. Although we are not allowed to show them in public.
him:no no, I know all these becasue I do alot of archery in the UK.
me:erh, well, this is a olympic class setup similar to what an olympic archer will use in the olympics. *points to james' recurve bow again, complete with carbon stabilisers.*
him:singapore has never won the olympics before right?
me:erh no. Singapore isn't in the olympic league yet.
him:ok ok. i'm just trying to tell you about this. I know becasue i'm doing a lot of archery in the UK. *walks off dissatisfied*

whoa... i'm beginning to wonder if my$2k bow setup is now going to be classified as a toy. O_O. Gosh that's quite hillarious isn't it? imagine Mr Simon Fairweather when he won the sydney 2000 gold medal. 'YESSSSSSS (with the bow in the air) I WON THE OLYMPIC GAMESSSSSSS with a toy.'..............

grins. i love making fun of his kind of people. heh heh.

Damned Recturer.....

2007-07-02T23:24:00.000+08:00

I have a lecturer who thinks he knows everything. Lemme tell you what he told the class today. I think it's something noteworthy that such people should be STONED..

well, we didn't do our tutorials as usual........ then he told us 'You all are doing ROUTE LEARNING'. You don't attempt the tutorials yourself and then you come here to tutorials to copy answers. This is not called learning. My Morning class (he said with a very matter-of-fact tone) only 1 out of 20 students did their tutorials! do you call that learning? no!

----I couldn't resist going 'gosh. if all 20 did their homework, that's STILL not called learning. that's called STUDYING.' .but of course learning isn't possible with people like him. Why? if you ask him a question, he makes you look and feel stupid, but never really answers it in the end.

next. he said 'my daughter scored very good marks in secondary school. Alright. (he always says that, or 'Good. ok. ok. good good.' while nodding his head with that silly pursed face.) then she showed it to the principal and the principal said 'did you go for tuition?' she said yes. then the principal threw her results on the floor and said 'this is not your results. this is your tuition teacher's resuls. because he/she helped you to get it. you did not Learn anything. All you are doing is Route Learning.'

---Couldn't resist strike two. 'it's cuz of teachers like you that we need tuition, thank you.'. Hm. there again, tuition teacher = route learning? that's a sweeping statement. I've had tuition teachers who have outdone my curriculum teachers. Maybe that's a big loophole in the education system.

Then he went on... 'i went to visit my daughter in AUST, then i met three of your seniors from SP. They told me they were spoonfed and are suffering now' (i'm paraphrasing his poorly phrased english.)

---Strike three 'now we're not being taught ANYTHING and expected to know EVERYTHING and being graded for it. that should be called spoonfeeding, thank you.'

Gosh I seriously can't wait to the end of the semester. He'll DIE by the time the feedbacks come. It's a pity they only allow 300 characters for comments. Otherwise i'll post an entire essay to express my dissatisfaction of him.

what's wrong with people like him? simple.

Rule number 1) never ask him any questions. Why? he'll bring you around the world and never answer your question. I learnt that the first time in thermo practical. Thanks to him I never got the calculations done, and he chased us out of the lab half an hour before the lesson was to end.

Rule number 2)If you don't know, give him a blank stare. Why? if you tell him you weren't taught what he just said (in year 1 or year 2) he'll go one big round and threaten to ask our year 1 and 2 lecturers. But of course, he'll make himself look good there and make you feel like shit, and never really ask your year 1-2 lecturers to find out the truth anyway.

We just showed him the progress of our project for PME. Gosh... he kept criticising the thing till we showed him the next slide.

The project was on safety and stuff in labs and workshops. We showed him the first slide, where this guy was wearing the wrong stuff. Had berms, slippers, stuff hanging on his neck, yada. He was like 'ok good. good ok. ok ok. good.' Then next, he started criticising it before we could show him the next slide. He was like 'you show the wrong one you must also show the correct one (he means wearing lab coat, wearing covered foot wear....etc).we were like 'SIR... WAIT... it's in the next slide' Then before we could change slide he criticised again 'you have to show the machine parts(and started babbling on again) then we went like 'sir waaaaaiittttt it's in the NEXT slides.'

man. i'm passionately against such people. If one day God and the law were asleep, these people better make sure they move fast. i'm itching for some moving targets.

=X

2007-06-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

haven't updated in ages. I guess maybe I had stuff to write, maybe i didn't. Maybe I was just plain lazy.

Well, after three months of embarking on the B.E.S.T. method, finally beginning to show results. I won an unexpected indoor gold medal at NUS using the BEST method (and my cheap evo2 limbs and A/c/E arrows too).

It was quite a trying period of time. I started off sometime in march, right after my 44 pound winEX limbs arrived. I wasn't willing to down poundage to master my form, so i tried (quite foolishly) to do it on 44 pounds. heh. Then I saw the resident athletes at the olympic training centre at chula vista all going down to 18 pounds on wooden bow, I realised howdumb I was, and decided to go down to my 32 pound evo 2 (until i could get an approval for 20 pound wooden bow from school. heh.)

Quite anxious to get back onto my winEX limbs and my x-10s. though when i do, i'll probably have to worry about spine issues too =/ ahh the worries of an engineer :(

One day, you'll see my face on the papers. Keep waiting, peeps.(I sound like naruto huh.)

Well, i'm wondering if I should take the gamble with tang, and tell him 'sponsor me a dozen X-10s with tungstens, and i'll hit 1300 in a year.' Enough of archery jargon.

Studies haven't been doing too well. Been so burnt out to absorb any information of any sort. I kinda burnt myself once again just before the MSTs. will i make it in 6 weeks for the finals? (sounds like some movie suspense thingie huh.) I guess i just wish for some 'me' time.. .and I haven't been giving God much time either.

Well, I saw this new road that was opened somewhere near bukit gombak area. Long stretch of road (not used much) three lanes and almost under the MRT track. Since it's not used much, i have this little... fantasy of skating there. I can't wait for the holidays. Though true it will be drowned by the FYPs, but at least i'll have some pockets of free time to do all the nothing I want. I hope.

Lamentations

2007-05-17T14:07:00.000+08:00

The wiser side of me will keep silent, and bite back words that will ill be appreciated; For the counsel of many fools is wiser than the will of one.

Clearly, things are not going in the right direction, but espirit de corp remains a hopeless ideal, the utopia of organisations. While some might get a glimpse of it, many fall short of it by tons.

Where there are humans, there is dispute, there is politics. Where there is politics, there is chaos, there is disagreement, there is backbiting, backstabbing, and much organisational inefficiencies. Where there is such, simply put the organisation won't function as properly or as efficiently as one would have it. However, without politics, no management can survive. Without politics, there is no determining whether the sun or moon should rule the day. Is mankind doomed to eternal struggle, eternal political strife?

But of course, the wise would choose to hold their tongue. For the counsel of many men is definitely wiser than one. But will the counsel of many fools be wiser than one?

When the mind is weak, will the body therefore be truly strong? even if the body has brawns and all, if the mind is weak, the whole body falters easily under the pressure in battle. For if the General is foolish, even though his lieutenants are wise, the battle is surely lost. Sad that such a general should be appointed.

What shall one do in the face of such circumstance? when such injustice is committed, such injustice to organisational management, such injustice to the organisation's governance? What shall one do when the rights of some are more equal than that of others? what can one do to push for the right to happen?

Yet to push for political change is to stick out your head for the gallows. Yet for all could fight for, little will be achieved. Yet for the counsel of fools, none will listen to you. Why speakest forth thou?

Nay but I shall hold my tongue.

slander

2007-04-09T12:06:00.000+08:00

perfect isn't it?

some people in this world just love to slander others. While in that same line they fail to look at themselves. However the most sickening thing is that being the hypocrites they are, they identify themselves with some reputable religion/organisation/some other thing to make themselves look noble; in that same line tarnishing it.

The worst thing anyone can do on his/her own blog, is to mention someone by name on the blog, and then slander that person down to the ground, where the person himself/herself has a right to defence, however in this case since it was written on a blog, the person has no chance to defend himself/herself and explain the situation to the reader. Sadly speaking more often than not, people get the wrong idea of what really happened, but too late. The damage has already been done. Even if that person tries to put it up on his/her own blog (assuming he/she has one) to explain the situation and defend himself/herself, it will be looked upon as an attempt to gain back whatever reputation was lost.

it is not only unethical, but malicious as well to mislead the readers on your blog about a situation by posting opinions (i.e. "ronald got angry. dono why angry. lame rite?") without suitable explainations, without giving the reader the full view of the situation as to what events culminated in what result and therefore what who was feeling and why. What who did to show that he/she felt that way and what was the reaction of someone else, and therefore that person posesses a certain trait(such as, "ronald is very inconsiderate/irresponsible").

what's most undesirable, compounded onto the fact that the abovementioned person doesn't have a chance to defence, is that only your side of the story is heard. However that side is doubly biased, because not all events were properly fully mentioned, and your own faults were not mentioned either.

all of such people who make such malicious posts (especially since they mention names) are undoubtedly selfish, malicious, slanderous, and inconsiderate. Not without mentioning, cowardly, becasue by blogging (and in that sense fighting on their own home grounds) they have shyed away from bringing the matter to light, where both sides of the story can be heard, and everyone can be a fair judge. Of course i need not mention that their intentions are evil, but you, the reader can do your part. Frown upon them. blog against them. STOP THEM. and if you are one yourself, you need to do some soul-searching.

This blog entry is a response to the blog entry dated Friday, April 06, 2007 on this blog www.crazy-con-missu.blogspot.com.

I must mention, however that i have no personal grudge against this person, neither am i blogging because i'm the person mentioned in the blog. However, i blog defensively to protect the legitimate rights of the person mentioned/slandered against character assasination(which is in effect the slander and undermining of his/her reputation).

All ye who read this please join in my effort and frown in on this blogger (whether or not you know him/her) or exert some peer pressure. If you don't know this person you can always just leave an anonymous tag on the tagboard.

DOPOD!!!!!

2007-03-27T10:19:00.000+08:00

I just got my dopod 818 pro. too bad i don't have a camera to take a picture of it with. But there again i now have this nice 2mpx camera mounted on this beauty.

It's had a few scratches from the previous owner, from his dog, he claims. From the look of the scratches I think he's probaby right. The scratches look quite cool though so i'm fine with them. heh heh.

Spent almost the whole of last night customising this baby.... there are a few things taht sadly cannot be customised. like the message received tone. (you can't use your own ringtone.. sad. can't use my FF fanfare anymore)

well, at least for incoming calls i can use my own custom tones. ah well....

tried the thing with skype. my sound receiving kinda lagged. I'm gonna try overclocking later on. heh heh...

can't wait for tonight. why you ask? i'm not tellin!.

mellow.

2007-03-24T19:11:00.000+08:00

kywzcucucpclrkcylrrmzc.ykgrmmqcjdgqf?bmgbckylbrmmksaf?

trudged home today. once again. don't i have more joyful things to blog about on saturdays?

nuh it's okay. i guess i'll be like this for now.

code...

2007-03-23T17:17:00.000+08:00

well, it's the second time i'm blogging today.

here's a line. let's see if anyone can decode this :D

well a few people already know the answers so i don't just want to know the final answer. i wanna know the name of the code or the mathematical concept behind it. :D

talk me up on msn or email me. i'll give you a mystery prize! :D

limited to the first three people only.

bonus if you can tell me where that line's from..

nz mpwf gps zpv jt xjuipvu xby

HELLOOO

2007-03-23T12:57:00.000+08:00

well, i've just finished up my new blog skin.. i'm very satisfied with how it looks. I changed quite a lot from the original skin, but now it looks a whole lot better in the colours that i want it to be.

hm. thinking a lot about sideline income. bowstrings.. i'm still thinking of designing my own archery equipment. Jerry's thought of designing his own sight pin.. terriss is making his own Vbars from military grade carbon he got from DSO....(waste carbon that is...) i'm thinking of something else i can do.. .without the industrial capability. I can only design something. but what...?

meanwhile i'll have to rely on bowstrings to augment my critical finances. hopefully it's enough to balance off such that i don't have to ask my mum to increase funding for me from her already very troubled finances.

well, i'm getting a palmphone soon. to replace my useless phone and soon-to-be-useless palmtop. the good thing about this bugger is that it's still got 9mths warranty in it. But i hope that there won't be any probelms such as the numpad frustrating me (as rumoured it would). i guess i'll have to be a lot more stringent on the day itself when i buy the palmphone from the guy. hopefully i can shave another few tens of dollars off the cost of the palmphone, so that i can buy my micro SD for it. mmmmmmm.

Bowstrings.

2007-03-20T17:33:00.000+08:00

I guess i wanna try my hand at starting a small 'business' if you will. I've started making custom bowstrings, and would be getting a few colours soon.

Right now, i have a bit of black angel majesty bowstring material, and i'm getting white angel dyneema in a while.

I have: red nylon serving, white angel majesty serving, black microfilament serving.

i'm going to get black, red, and blue TS-1 plus string, but i'm presently tight on budget so i'll probably get the black first, or the black and red first, then the blue will have to wait. But hey, if you want blue strings, you could always get a pool of at least 2-3 people to order strings from me. I could borrow cash first, get the blue string material and still make the strings for you.

Strings are presently priced at $20, however if there are enough orders for now i might consider lowering the prices.

I do double coloured strings too, so for now if you order a string you can choose between black, red, and blue to make dual-coloured strings.

you can place your order here on my tagboard, or you can email me at reversehaven@gmail.com

unfair.

2007-03-19T09:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes you feel life doesn't deal it's fair share to you. Some times i feel that way. No all the time.

life isn't fair to those who work hard and are yet not talented. But suck thumb. unless they do work hard, they have nothing to their name. Yet life gives the rich and the talented more wealth and more ability. i feel burdened under the financial load of buying my equipment. Everything... my limbs.. my riser... my arrows... my stabilisers.. everything bought with my very own money.

trained hard.. sacrificed sleep, read forums....

all so much effort put in but yet there are people... who just have the money.. or the connections.. to get all the best stuff they need, barely spending anything. i must admit i'm jealous. Unhappy about it. What can i do?

it sucks when you see you're trying your best... but you still ultimately fall prey to people who don't try as much, and yet at the same time, becasue of connections or becasue of their own wealth, have everything. why can't life favour the hardworking? why can't life favour them who put in more effort? life just isn't fair. the poor can only sit and gape in awe of the rich, hoping to one day be like them; while the rich just live in ivory mansions.

life isn't fair. I guess i don't have a choice.

i can only sit here and feel unhappy about it.

WINEX LIMBSSSS

2007-03-15T09:46:00.000+08:00

Just got my winEX limbs. those buggers shoot sweet. damn smooth stuff, really.

Terriss just returned from Olympic training centre, chuala vista, USA... and the good news is that he's started teaching the B.E.S.T method, by Ki Sik Lee. I've been wanting to master that method for awhile. But it seems like just when i got my limbs, just when i'm crazy over wanting to shoot it... then now i've to change my form. I guess it'll take at least a week or two before i can go back on my winEX limbs, depending on how fast i can master this.

guess i wasn't patient. I went back onto my bow. With GL's limbs though. poundage low as hell. but still couldn't get everything right. AHHH PATIENCEEE.. :(

well, i'm hoping to break a national record for quite sometime. Actually i was qutite confident that within 2 months of getting my limbs, i'll be able to break the national record... but hey. I don't know now. i hope i can master the BEST method ASAP.

shan't go to the more personal things.
they're my own.

Depression

2007-03-05T09:57:00.000+08:00

Someday, somehow, gonna make it alright, but not right now....

I hate this feeling. When you're just infatuated with someone. But you know for a sure fact that this someone isn't meant for you. Like you know, on the right sense of better judgment, you will stay away from this person, or not get too emotionally attached. But somehow, for no good reason that person just keeps occupying your thoughts. You keep pining for that person.

I hate that.

I'm beginning to feel a very desperate lack of females that fit into my selection criteria. So far only two girls of all the girls i'm in touch with will ever fit into this very strict expectation. There again, they're both very remotely connected to me. I barely get the chance to talk to them.

yeah. i'm at that age. that age which very much desires a girlfriend. I very deeply desire one, so deeply that i'm almost just inclined to take any girl that comes along.

sometimes i wish i can just numb my emotions. Disregard them. I hate the way they affect my life, my day. It's just like going around the rigours of your normal day, but with a tingling pain at the back of your head. I hate getting infatuated with a girl. Especially this time. I know it's not love. Better character would have me put her aside altogether. But my wild, untamed hormones scream out within me, threatening to blow me up from within.

Bad things come in the dozens. good things come only in twos. But while this is happening, yet at the same time i'm still feeling very lost.

I just wish for now i don't have to meet people. Don't have to wear that clay mask over my face. to veil my sadness, my frustration. I just wish for this storm to blow over. But before it does, life still goes on. I can only wear this fake smile over my face. My face feels like it's going to crack soon.

but for right now, all i can do, is to bury my emotion deep in my heart. Buried, never to be known. And wear that mask of mine.

Lost.

2007-03-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Trudged home today. Didn't go for YF.
This is one in few times in so many years. I just blatantly skipped YF.

I don't know. i'm feeling very lost.

Trudged home. Soggy socks annoying the hell out of me. Hair still a bit wet. Stinking. Bow on back. the uncomfortable lumps rubbing down my spine. Felt like one of those times i went home from battle in the rain. Beaten. But no, this is worse. At least for those competitions i lost.. in the rain... at least I knew i didn't have enough training. I knew at least what i needed to do. I knew at least where i'm headed. At least i knew i wanted to go home.

I wished i'd have someone to pat me on the back. tell me it's okay. I wished i woke up from a bad dream. Cliche. Suddenly i just wished i was alone. nobody will understand me.

bought a pack of bee hoon. Cheap but oily as hell. I couldn't care less.

then for all the times i was miserable, a bottle of pepsi. wine for the sorrowful, pepsi for the miserable. trudged home on the wet ground. Trudged home....

if sleep, like death could cancel all misery, i would sleep forever.

i'm evil!

2007-03-03T00:32:00.001+08:00

Rachel says i'm evil.

yes i am. VERY EVIL.

poke.

SP open-part 2

2007-03-03T00:31:00.001+08:00

Well, okay. as promised this is the second part of the blog entry.

i thought it was a well organised competition. Except for the fact for a few organisational inadequecies, of which i shall decline to comment. But more of i was grateful for the people who came down to help. Espeically people like sunny low. Really takes joy in his job. I asked derong to give him a red packet or something. Not sure if he's done that already but ah well. :)

still the one thing that caused my ultimate frustration was the people who didn't come down. Those who didn't know didn't ask and just conveniently skipped saturday.There were a few characters you can see in the competition. The saigang warrior, cheng kun. Reall appreciate him. though sometimes he can be annoying, but when he puts his hands together to help you, he'll help all the way. The half saigang warrior and helpful friend, jonathan. Though he's not exactly a very integral part of the club social fabric, but he came down to loan his aid, whether or not he got the chance to shoot. Really appreciated his help especially since i assigned him some important duties.

Saigang warrior-cum thinker, wai jack. Can't say how much i owe the success of my plan after the second round to him. The scores were very efficiently counted, entered, and printed, ready for the notice board within 20 minutes. A bit short of my target time but good enough.

Last of all, my abangs. both stayed behind to help out a bit on the next day. We were initially thinking of doing more planning for the camp but didn't go further than that. sigh. ah well.

the knockouts the next day was funny. I was hoping so hard i'll go up against toh jin, ken or henry ong. these three who were some of the top few archers in the land.. in the end i met up with Uncle Karl Sew (the guy who helped me make my jig. thanks so much, sorry had to knock you out the first round ): ) then next i was up against jay tan. The guy from SPGG.. and also the prisons guy. I can't get it really. he seems like a nice guy to me. at least, for whatever he's talked to me about. Though i've heard from BK that he's kind of one of the most troublesome guys to our club. ah well. Then after that i was up agaisnt this Gurkha. Nice guy really. Still having trouble reconciling the fierce impression bernice gave me about them.. he ended up quite easygoing and stuff. Then finally up against derong, who had all the fun against henry and toh jin AAHHHH.... =X

i win.
cats rule.
meow.

prize giving time was the most awkward. okay adelia and rachel have seriously limited vocab. the only thing they could describe about my photos or their photos was 'retarded' uh. O_O okay a bit more vocab please..

but seriously i was feeling very awkward. giving prizes out to the guys wasn't a problem. when it came to the girls.. i was wondering the hell out whether i was suposed to just stand there in that awkward position.. or whether i was supposed to drape my arms around them like i did the guys.. i did for the first few girls' teams that came up. one was the team from SMU. yeah they're pretty much open. Next was our own SP girls. we know each other fine. Next two were the group from (i think PPCC bah...) and RJC.... uh. okay their body language told me they weren't comfy with it so i guess i just stuck with it. BUT ARGH WHY DOES THE STUDENT ADVISOR HAVE TO GIVE OUT PRIZES AAAAHHHH.. =x yanno i felt so damn tense there.....

well, after the whole event was over, we were clearing the rubbish and all. then people were leaving. the grasscutters were total idiots cutting grass and all.. so we had to shout above the drone of the grasscutting machines to talk to each other. so shimin was next to me. So i asked her 'you got meet your secret character anot?', then she gave me that -,- face. Jokingly i said(or really, shouted above the noise) 'shimin why you so scared of toh jin'. of course just teasing her abit. then she stepped aside and toh jin was approaching behind her like just five metres. he heard his name.. OH NO =X lol.

i hope i didn't offend him or anything.

went home and K-Oed on bed. took a few days and a few hours of sleep in the office each day to recover from having had so little sleep. but ah well.

VICTORY!! -part 1

2007-02-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

First time in history... i won all the national archers. okay well, at least those who took part. Sadly though i didn't win the cash prize cuz i lost one round to toh jin by 4 points. sigh. NO FAIR HE GOT THE TOP TARGET =X

well, it's an achievement anyway. beating guys who were in the national team some time or another. I never expected to be anywhere near the top. maybe say top 10 positions but not further than that.

this competition is the first of it's kind. in that while i am competing i still have to take care of it running. Quite a lot of problems with it but i guess it turned out fine. I was ultimately still frustrated at the bo-chap members of our club which showed absolutely no sense of belonging and totally no commitment.

Well, i was thinking of blogging of the few funny things but i'll need some time to think about it and also to get my mind in order.

i guess i'll blog about the first funny thing today and the rest tomorrow. heh.

well, i was setting up my bow and stuff.. warming up and all... then adelia came running in. Gosh i swear i heard her from a mile away and next moment i heard her say the 'f' word. O_O huh........

then after she talked to lilian, while trying to catch her breath... i realised what actually happened is that some guy at the bus stop (not exactly very near her, but near enough to see) was actually wanking in front of her. She turned away and he said in chinese 'look leh. i don't mind'. O_O wow. like i thought having friends who store condoms in their wallets was bad enough. wanking in public. gosh what has the world come to. She started panicking and then she saw the bus come. she ran up it and then planted herself in the seat. lol.

anyway, she was doing the 'wanking' action(while describing what happened)...guolong and derong were shooting from the board.. heard her and turned to see her doing that action.. they were completely stunned. HAHAAHAAa.... then we were all teasing her the whole day about this :P

okay i'll blog about the rest tomorrow. heh.

another day at NTU

2007-02-23T09:57:00.000+08:00

I kinda miss my professor's office. Not that i don't get to use it now, but then it's much more convenient to use the cubicle at the research fellows' room. so that anything i need i can always ask the reaserach fellows who are supposed to assist me.

I'm kinda getting some new workload already. First week was honeymoon. Now i have to search up stuff. Kinda don't feel like i'm in the mood to do anything productive :( well, monday's the 'handup' date.. kind of thing.

Today i'm staying over in school. tomorow's the big day. Either i shoot and beat one of the national archers, or something goes haywire somewhere...GAH IT'S ONLY 18M!!

but the hot RJ chicks are going to be there. :D(horny bastard....)

sigh. so many things on my mind. I'm hoping my limbs come in on time. There again... i still have to pay Mr Tang. haven't even called him to tell him about richard (my malaysian friend) 's limbs.. he wants to purcahse one the same also. =X hope everything turns out fine.

well, i'd best be going back to work.

My annoying cousins.

2007-02-20T01:12:00.000+08:00

I have a bunch of annoying cousins. Okay the oldest is still quite okay. fairly well behaved. I think he was the only one who received discipline (if any at all) from my uncle and aunt.. After that, all hell breaks loose. His two sisters and one younger brother.....are all attention hungry... sigh. i'm wondering how the hell im anage to entertain all of them at once.

Well, it's chinese new year. thankfully i won't get to see much more of them in the future. not too much, at least. perhaps once in CNY and a few more times throughout the year.

i've become very detatched from my family. immediate family... and extended family. Somehow i really don't enjoy the familial ties. at least i still am quite close to my mum. but that's about it. i rarely or never talk to my dad and brother.

i ended up spending half of today shooting. 'zhaoed' from the midst of my annoying cousins... right when they came. thankfully i had an 'appointment' and a good excuse to go. but sometimes i'ts pretty awkward being around relatives that you don't know very well. Like you meet once a year.. 'hey happy new year!' okay. that's it. then maybe you talk about where you're studying.. yada yada.. not much anyway. everything's so fake. The next time you see them next new year.. you barely recognise them anymore!

am i becoming a no-lifer..spending all my free time training.. or is this just me? is it that my family is just meant to be like this... so detatched..?

MY poke-me-rachel

2007-02-16T11:38:00.000+08:00

haha.. rachel's so cute. she's got a 'reaction' button on her side. just press that button for a reaction from her. :P almost like a tickle-me elmo. hahhaa.

it even comes with a wireless support.sometimes your finger is near the button you get a reaction already. lol.

anyway, ITP.. i'm rotting here. okay at least i can blog and stuff like that. i'm still rotting darhhhhh....... just had company dinner last night. O_O crazy shit.

can't wait to shoot again. but i can't wait for my new winEX limbs to come in either. there again im not sure if i should get the inno power limbs instead...... :(

SPDP.. chiobu time!!! but i'm not there... sob.

p.s. adelia's got a split personality.

NTU PROF!!!

2007-02-14T13:45:00.000+08:00

yeahhhh....

well, i'm probably one of the luckiest ITP students you can find around. Not only did i get into STkinetics in the end, i end up handling a project (cold spraying) all on my own. Now, i've been sent to NTU to help in the development of the project, and i get a full professor's room all to myself. i'll see if i'm free enough maybe i'll post some pics up of it. :)

still it's a whole bunch of coincidences and I can see God's hand in bringing all of them in. like i told jocelyn.... 'tikam oso cfm can't tyco until lidat'.

Anyway, i'm getting my winEX limbs soon. i'm kind of wondering if i should end up getting them in the end.. Though i know soon i'll need the best i can find aruond, and i'll need 44 pounds so that my X-10s can spine in. Hopefully the winEXs send quickly... and I don't have to wait much. Damn. i can't wait....

pity, terris wasn't able to get the price up for me.His great grandma in law passed away and he's kinda busy. okay.... still, it looks like it will be quite a while before i manage to get limbs from him. There again i'll still have to wait for it to ship through. I think i'll get it from altservices.co.uk. Hopefully nothing goes wrong with the limbs... i.e. it doesn't crack or anything like that. Otherwise it'll be very difficult and troublesome from there on. I don't even have spare limbs to rely on.. not at that poundage.

still if i order from altservices... i was originally relying on the fact that terriss needs only a 50% deposit before he orders the limbs. then i can use my salary to cover up the rest. I think i need to take a loan since i'm ordering from altservices.. :(

NANDA KOREWAAAA!!!!!!!!! i want my limbs. sob.

exams over.

2007-02-11T19:42:00.000+08:00

a sigh of relief. but i know i didn't do well. apart from my normal aces i have b's in it's place. saddening but i think after moping over it a few days i shan't think of it already.

X-10s are in. doing fine. though i still can't group as nicely as i would want to at 70m. still, it'll take some time for me to get my new winEx limbs.. thanks to my parents that they're contributing in here and there to help me afford the limbs. I can't wait till i get the limbs. once i get the limbs.. it'll only be just one month before i get used to them and i'm ready for open class. meantime a lot of form work needs to be done.

ITP is in place. lots of things to think about. well, at the very least it just means i can go train everyday after work. somethin to look forward to. I just hope they don't give me a hard time at ITP.

meh. my life is so boring. so routine. i barely even have the time to go do something meaningful anymore. everything else is academic pursuits left. i feel so empty and so meaningless. when i die i know all these academic and physical achievements will be left behind. at best buried with me in the grave.

Sometimes i just shouldn't be so helpful. i'm alredy running a friggin charity here. now while running that 'charity' the people i'm helping are coming back to slap me in the face for helping them. meh. sometimes things just lose it's meaning. while first i seem so passionate about helping everyone. then suddenly all the meaning in helping them is just totally lost.

i think i'll be mercenary all over again. those people don't NEED my help.

x-10s...and a whole slew of six-hour stunts.

2007-02-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

I just got my X-10s. damn. they shoot sweeeet. but they're very sensitive to bad releases. I had it left an inch longer but Mr Tang cut them a bit too long, so they spine in weak now for my poundage. Well, can still cut...no worriesss....

i have 10 hours from now till my paper.. sigh. i'm going to wake up at 4am and pull a 4 hour stunt.... still have 70% of the subject knowledge that I don't know....

then after that i have 22 hours to revise for IE... with 80% of the stuff i don't know...

and after which, another 24 hours plus to revise for DE... thankfully i've covered quite a fair bit. so about 60% left...

i'm skewed. let's hope the stunts work out.......

bleeding..

2007-01-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

I just bled $450 for my X-10s. yes. i got them $50 cheaper than market price from Mr Tang. maybe i should have been bolder. and say that my budget is $400 and i need X-10s. maybe he might just give it to me at $400. STill have to wait a few days before Mr Tang's stock comes in. Hopefully it's soon.

sigh. this sport is draining my finances really badly. Thankfully my dad agreed to subsidise my limb purchase by $300. there again i'm hoping that terriss sells the limbs for about $650 or anything less than $700. so that i can get directly from him. Otherwise have to go to the hassle of getting it from www.altservices.co.uk. :(

anyway, i'm kinda grateful that i have guolong's limbs to train with first. my A/C/Es are severely underspined though according to the chart they should be all right. wierd. Maybe it's cuz my drawlength has become 30"... the arrow length is 30" and it's presently even with the back of the bow, which means that my calculated drawlenght is 30"... which means that they should be a bit weak. somehow i killed one. i'm kinda wondering if it died becasue it entered at an odd trajectory and under the stress of such high poundage........

BAH.. all big talk.

here's a summary of my equipment:

W&W Xpert NX riser
Challenger craft limbs
W&W WK400 plunger
cartel K sight
W&W HMC stabiliser
Cartel extender, V-bar, short stabiliser
A/C/E * 7(one died :( )

Dream set:
W&W Xpert NX riser
Winex limbs (70" 42 lbs)
W&W WK400 plunger
W&W sight? Arc systeme sight? Shibuya ultima RC sight?
W&W FULL HMC STABILISATION
X-10s.

assuming i've already purchased the X-10s, i'm presently short of one set of limbs, one sights, and Vbar,extender and side stabilisers short of meeting my dream set. =X i hope i can reach tehre soon.

depression.

2007-01-28T18:47:00.000+08:00

still suffering from the lapse of the defeat... I still kind of find myself in a state of meaninglessness. Lost my competitive edge, and sometimes it sucks to know that i've got to build it all up again so soon after having reached there. After having reahed 340/360. Yes. it's nothing. Seriously.

i'm not good. just that the archers in singapore suck. Otherwise we'd have stiffer competition. Yes i'm ready for open class. No am I? Heck. i don't even have the limbs I require. I'm still waiting for W&W to send the price to terriss. sigh. Such a bother. I want to order my limbs already!!!!! To think.. i'm a set of limbs short of everything. and now in this recess everything slides back again. All that i've achieved so far. I can't group for nuts. that's gotta be discouraging.

exams coming.. well, i'll listen to terriss. i'll be down to train twice a week .I just hope that i don't lose too much during this time.

Well, I seriously loathe the thought of taking on the next semester... WITHOUT HOLIDAYS :( ITP.. okay i kinda look forward to it.. though really i would appreciate that bit of rest we would get otherwise. I would love to use that time to train.

no. for now i just want to sit down cuddled up in a corner, moping. good things come in twos. bad things come by the dozens.no limbs, no holidays, no limb prices, bloody infatuation that visits me, exams, no time to train, backslide..... you name it i got it.

infatuation

2007-01-24T10:51:00.000+08:00

I hate the naggings of infatuation. Somehow i know this girl isn't made for me.. isn't meant for me... and isn't the type i'd really really really want for a girlfriend. BUT.... I don't know why i end up subconsciously wanting to see her, hear her, talk to her...

I hate this feeling =X someone drill a hole in my head. I know for sure she isn't the type i really want but there again.... why do i keep having that subconscious desire to see her or talk to her?

Well, in any case, ITP's coming soon. Andrea's leaving for AUST soon. Going to miss a training kaki. Hmm.. i originally hoped i didn't need to spend my ITP cash at all but now it looks like i have no choice but to spend 7/8 of it on my winEX limbs... that is, if i ever hope to PWN in open class.

Taking a short break from active shooting as well, while i get my equipment in place, get my fingertab and my strings ready.

Going off for now. continue blogging later.

indescriptible misery

2007-01-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

all my dreams. hopes.. everything. just shattered just like this. one shot. it was only one shot. i lost by an 'x'. but suddenly everything was lost.

i lost not only a set of limbs. i lost the will to compete anymore. life seemed to lose it's entire meaning. i suddenly felt like just sitting in the middle of the spray of the rain. i just wanted everyone to disappear. leave me alone. could only wan a shy smile for a few people who tried to comfort me.

no of course. duh. i'm not all right. i've just lost everything i've fought for. worked for. bled for. Why is it i have to be the one bleeding every single cent for my bow? i'm not rich like hell. i make do without just about everything else. i make do without luxurious meals.. make do without fancy gadgets, handphones, what not... just so that i can get the equipment i need. the people who have everything from fancy gadgets to luxurious meals get the freebies too.

just because shit happens. just because my fingertab died at the wrong time... though i know it would benefit me the most... i don't get it at all. why do things have to be so screwed up like this?! all major opportunities.. i missed.

shit happens. i worked my guts out. trained my wits out. bled the cash out for the equipment. shit happens. defeated over the dumbest of reasons.

i need a holiday.
I still can't accept God's will.
whatever.

A God-given win

2007-01-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

Sembawang Archery Club Competition....

I managed to hit the gold medal once again. This is my second time in C-division, shooting 50m.

The competition was pretty poorly organised, resulting us in shooting waaayy later than the time they asked us to reach. They had only 8 boards and were thinking for each event would only take 1 hour O_O. Naturally, they delayed so bad that the open class shooters had to come back today(sunday) to shoot instead.

long story short, i still managed to hit the gold medal with a record score of 340/360, leading by 22 points. Before the competition, all factors were against me. everything seemed to be going wrong. My fingertab's three holes.... and there was the problem of seasoning my new fingerab.
Then there was the problem of my bow falling down.. the side stabiliser.. and finally i was shooting an untuned bow. My arrow rest also threatening to die out. Clearly, if this win wasn't given by God, I don't have any idea what could have.

Well, I won my $200... and then i have enough cash for my X-10s. The first part of my scheme to challenge the national archers....complete. The second but more difficult part... is this saturday. 48 perfect shots.

Can I make it?

This one week....

2007-01-10T23:17:00.001+08:00

These two weeks are so powerful. So damn powerful i know they could just change my life. Why?

First things first. I've been selected for the primary round of interviews by PSA. so if i get through the two rounds (both held in this two weeks) i'll get the scholarship.. i get a job after i graduate. O-kayyy.... If this doesn't work out, i don't have any security. i can only bank on my GPA and hope it's high enough to get me into NTU applied math. if it doesn't work either.. i'm screwed.

Second. This two weeks. yeah. the two competitions. At first they looked quite easy to win. But after a little bit now they look not so easy to win anymore. Now, for the $200 cash prize, we've got the uni students up for grabs.. We've got the NP 1337s too... i thought kenny would be the only person i should fear but now looks like we've got more.

The other competition.. the limbs... instead of 72 shots, now the entire thing boils down to 12 shots times 4. if at any oneo f the four i miss a shot.. that's it. i'm lost. that's 48 shots in 4 rounds. a set of foamcore limbs on the line.

Sometimes i hold them so tightly... i just cannot imagine not winning either. I depend on both to set the stage for me to be able to upgrade to open class mid year. Upgrading to open class means i'm one step closer to my SEA games goal.

Well, on the bright side, i solved my fingertab problem. simple i just took the new fingertab and sliced a bit of the leather off to thin the layer. Now it feels quite close to the old fingertab. not exactly, but good enough. Though i was dumb enough to take a 1 hour nap today. That screwed up my training totally :( only managed to use the back muscle properly closer toward the end. After massaging my back.

GUOLONG I NEED YOUR GAY POWER!!!!! :P

Just a song i'd like to share. A song that touched me quite a bit. I was really stressed out monday night, during my differential equations class. Couldn't absorb nuts. I was going through the same in ED class too. Especially all the things going through this two extreme weeks.. and how all the four events could change my life forever.

Halfway into the class i was there.. mind drifting.. always thinking about what if... what if i don't win? heart beating fast.. .just couldn't concentrate. I wanted out so bad. Then this song came into my mind.

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.
O, what peace we often forfeit!
O, what needless pain we bear!
All becasue we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged -
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
CAn we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness -
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge-
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He'll take and shield thee -
Thou wilt find a solace there.

I took that moment to whisper a short prayer. It was then i really realised that everything.. has been predestinated. Whether i'm to enter PSA.. whether i'm to get the two prizes.. everything is in God's will. and even if the worst of the worst happens, that i don't get into PSA.. that i don't win both prizes... that God really means it for something in his higher purposes, something that i will not understand just yet. But it is a blessed assurance that whatever happens, that i will not lose my salvation, that whatever happens in this life, that whatever happens after this life will make it totally immaterial. nothing i will regret for ever.

will i sweat and bleed.....

2006-12-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

just thinking over the past few days.. will i sweat and bleed..for something that lasts only until the beginning of eternity.

been training the nuts out of me for this entire semester. kinda neglected school work. yes i know if i had been a bit more focused on them i just might conjure a few distinctions. or at least, prevent the Bs and Cs from happening. but no. not this semester.

the last week of the holidays is come.

three more weeks till exams.

the big probelm is... for that three weeks till exams, the first two saturdays would be competitions. very important ones.

competitions that literally determine how fast i'm going to progress up the archery corporate ladder, if you will. in the first one... is a cash prize of $200 if i can hit 320 at 50m. the second is an internal competition, sponsored by Mr Bill Wee, and the stakes is a pair of foamcore limbs.

there again i've not been keeping up much with my school work. looks like it's going to be helluva challenge.

bring it on.

on some wintry christmas night.

2006-12-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

okay by popular demand i have decided to update. Of course, people just can't live without me updating huh.... no i'm kidding of course :)

Anyway, Christmas day is over.. pretty uneventful.. so is the day of christmas wake.

pretty much didn't do anything this two days except sleeping. We had quite some fun playing settlers of catan on christmas eve night/christmas day wee hours of morning. It's a highly intellectual game (the girls didn't want to play it though........read in between the lines. :D) I loved monopoly because of the real life economics behind it, but i love this one even more. It's like, you can actually monopolise the different resources, and if ends up you're the only one who has one single type of resource, everyone would want to trade with you(because without that resource they can't upgrade.)

well, anyway, i intended to go and shoot today. on christmas wake. but what the heck! it's been raining since last night.. all the way.... gosh i'm wondering if i go there tomorrow if the field will still be flooded. I do hope the rain stops today. I wish to shoot a few arrows at the very least tomorrow. Maybe i should go to home team NS to shoot tomorrow, though i'm avoiding there for now since i'm having some trouble with my cashflow.

Tomorrow we're meeting with Lim Chee Wee. Yes.. the idiot who cheated my club of quite a lot of money. Well, getting ready for battle. Er. no i mean negotiation. Getting the right archery equipment is vital.... and we musn't get cheated by him again. so i'll personally be there to talk to him and stuff.

Accoustic

2006-12-19T10:23:00.000+08:00

finding solace in accoustic music. Many of which comes from the game chrono cross. I dont' know why i like that game so much. Storyline isn't all that fantastic. Well perhaps the graphics were quite stunning to me when i first played it. Coupled with the music.. i think that's one of the best games i've ever played.

Listening to: 18 Another Guldov-Chrono cross OST

they're the best to listen to when you're alone and don't have anyone to talk to. OR training in isolation, for the matter.

well, i'm finding myself increasingly isolated. In school... i don't havem uch social life because i don't mix around much with the people there. I mean it's fine mixing around with the archery peeps... but at the end of the day.. you graduate... and slowly you stop contacting each other.

that said,
it's kind of disappointing that the YF is slowly turning from a fellowship group with God at it's throne... to a social league of 'christians' with socialising as their main goal, meeting under a pretext of knowing God better.

nothing wrong with being secular in terms of goals. nothing wrong with wanting to bond better with the YFers. but everything wrong when your focus is wrong. because God is not in your least endeavour. Because God is not the ultimate objective. Because we sacrifice scripture and doctrine and sermon for fun games and bonding. because we put sermon time in ONLY BECAUSE IT'S NECESSARY... because if the adults weren't around we would place importance on secular activity.

ultimately, there will be people who would be left out of all the fun.. especially those who are really here for the spiritual feeding. people losing their meals over this is the latest i've heard.

it's sad to see that we're becoming like the mega churches. Professional in everything. soon we'll be getting our own ISO certificate like them(like huh. what does a CHURCH need an ISO cert for?) we are truly guilty of not being able to glorify God in this small cell. we have not been effective in ministry, in evangelism, and neither have we been effective in preaching and teaching the word of God, so well understood that it sets our hearts on fire. That is one big thing to be guilty of....unfruitfulness.

let the christian take heed, for God will prune the unfruitful.

VICTORY!!!

2006-12-17T20:38:00.000+08:00

A resounding win. My first time in C division too.

though i'm still pretty sore about losing to TP in the team event. we only had one arrow each in the heavy rain... it's almost just random shoot and hope your arrow hits.. after all none of us have had prior experience shooting in heavy rain.

came home tired and drenched to the bone. Lost my NIKE bottle there :( so i went down to JP and bought a replacement on my way back. They only had black left but ah well. i'd have preferred white or red. :(

Lots of thoughts run through my mind. i'm dying to share this victory with someone but there aren't many who would be around to listen to you and be able to appreciate it. i mean.. share your joy of victory.

Was really edgy in the first three ends. VERY edgy. heart pumping and all. Shot way below par.

It was an impossible win. one granted only by God.

I'm still wondering how i managed to outshoot the rest by about forty points while i was shooting badly on at least 5 ends. Though it's also true that i underperformed during this competition.

anyway, here's my score:
30m, 80cm target: 329/360 (training score 330)
50m, 122cm target: 316/360 (training score 305 on par score 330++)
Total score 645/720

not exactly very glamourous scores but ah well. still got me a win. though this was kind of a small scale competition so i don't know if these scores will stand the test if the uni people were competing too.

The last shot

2006-12-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

Heart pumping.
hand quivering.
breath uneven.

every shot counts. every shot determines the fine hair between victory and condemnation.

but it's always down to the last shot.
the most fatigued shot.
the most pressured shot.

you want to end it well. you want to end it with the arrow in the 'x'.

it's the hairline that tells the difference between you and your rival. the hairline that determines the colour of your medal.

My heart knows this very familiar feeling. the feeling when i'm about to enter battle.

all those hours of training. All those sweat and blood. Sleepless nights.

all boils down to the forty seconds.. .to that one shot.

I want out

2006-12-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

Just went to shop with en hua... shopping is such a pain. I had no choice but to spend that $110 worth of vouchers for the heerens before it expires. Hell that ended up like a pain...

the only shop in the entire place i thought worthy of looking at was adidas.and there again for the designs of shirts i liked they didn't have size for them. :(

they were friggin expensive.. that entire budget of $110 only managed to buy two shirts. :( I swear i'll never go back there ever again.

I HATE HIGH LIFE.

well, competition's coming. 90m ..... $200 cash prize..... gold medal..... 320/360 at 50m....

everything is getting to me. all in three competitions. All two weeks apart from each other.

sometimes i just wish i can will away all responsibilities.. take a nice break... holiday....
get the chance to do everything I want to. stay up as late as i like, wake up as early as i like...

i'm dreaming. not in this life.

90m

2006-12-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

well, i shot 90m once today. i'm kinda satisfied. It seems that i'm edging closer to the day i actually reach the SEA games.

sometimes in my life i just wonder.. what if God were to just step into my life and take this all away. would I surrender it all to him? i'm still in the struggling.. to surrender to God. How best to worship the God I love, and yet pursue the excellence in this sport I love too? Is there a necessary conflict between the two? sometimes I just wonder.

Well, anyway, on another note, i'm just kind of disappointed at today's youngsters. Like most of them I speak to have almost zero tolerance for details and technical explainations. Like no, they don't even bother listening to try and understand you. they'll just brush you aside and let their feelings do the job. huh. emo kids.

I don't know but somehow it's in me to just.......look down upon them. like when i try to impart some knowledge about archery.. there are some juniors (and seniors alike) who would just show a pure contempt and disregard about technicalities in this very technical sport. Yes, mind you, it's a very technical sport. Now i'm not surprised that after seeing this, we still have people who don't tune their plungers, don't align their limbs (and think they're skilled enough to compensate for it by their skill). and we all wonder why they haven't won any events in competition before even though each of them has equal potential to winning them.

but no. i'm really just disappointed at seeing in the local youth.. a pure contempt for intellectual discussion, ... ask them about DDR or RRD or dance dance revolutions or PPG or GGP... they know it all. but ask them about what year the first man stepped on the moon next moment you'll find them asleep in a pool of drool.

like heck.. none of those people i'm talking about are even interested in things like personal development! things like organisational management.. PR skills.. presentation skills.......

i'm sorry i'm choleric-melancholic type psychology. maybe it's just me.
no, i still look down on them.

let them lie asleep in that pool of droll. let's see that pool of drool nourish them for the rest of their pitiful lives.

Lazy day.

2006-12-12T22:47:00.000+08:00

Woke up really late. I mean REALLY late. like at noon. I skipped ED... yay. no more ED for the next four weeks. No ADMI either, so i went to school just on time to catch Mr Nah repeat his lesson again. Yeah i know it's good to repeat parts of your lesson here and there, people tend to absorb better this way, but NO.. he was like... repeating the ENTIRE lesson O_O.

sometiems i wonder what the hell i'm doing here... all my talents don't have much place to develop here. Yeah. they started here. I started archery here.. I started doing math at a higher level here.. but i'm at the point where i kinda hate my course, because we have to do so many other things, I just don't have the time to spend on archery and math.. the two things I love so much.

I need to get my budget management in order. I seem to be overspending and yet still undereating all the time. I have too many things to spend on. Archery automatically takes up 15-30% of my expenditure every month. at least 50% HAS to go to food (but somehow i'm still undereating. look ma, i'm losing weight :[ ) maybe i'll buy less drinks from now on... ARGH...

No. I hate my life. so many things just aren't going right. I used to be able to wake up at will. Now i'm a very dense sleeper who needs two alarm clocks ( okay my palmtop and phone) to wake me up. Haven't been very disciplined in doing tutorials. Okay though I managed to set some stuff right so far, like clearing up the vital areas of my room.... I'll need to set up a system to clear the unneccesary things in my room before they start accumulating. I set half my computer right so far, I cleared up about 20gb of it in terms of videos and games I downloaded. Just need to organise a system to clear trash before they accumulate.

Still sometimes I wish i were a bit well to do. At least I would have to worry about so many things. My bow wouln't have come at the price of blood. I literally bled myself dry over my bow. But that's the bare minimum for me... That is, if I ever dream to bring myself to the SEA games.

Sometimes in life you just wonder what the hell you're doing. Sometimes you end up hating what you're doing. Well, what can I say.. when the going gets tough, the tough start biting.

SLOBBERING PLOT.....

2006-12-12T02:18:00.000+08:00

Now now, i thought the new james bond movie would at least bost better picture quality than the previous ones. Pass. they failed completely. hmm. i'd think those sean connery ones might just compare to them.

Hmm.. then we'd all think the new james bond(whatever his name is) would be hotter than the old ones. Pass. pierce and sean beat him hands down.

the 'tech gadgets' featured were really badly introduced, and weren't in the least impressive..

pass. the plot was the worst. I spent two hours staying up awake watching this.... slobbering plot develop from some dumb gun game into some dumb free running stunt...into a HK gambling king movie and finally into some............ porn movie. That is, if you consider sado-masochism as porn............

huh.. couldn't follow the plot. it was pretty much touch-and-go kind. Something like the the da vinci code style touch and go. one or two main characters, the rest are passing characters. no real character development apart from the main ones. but while the da vinci code boasted some real GK stuff... this bond movie has nothing to offer. it's like about this guy who funds terrorists.. and he gambles in order to do so... but he lost the gamble to our dear james bond.... and ended up having to capture him to bleed him of the funds O_O.............

i'm...... ...... ...... ....... ......... disappointed. where's pierce brosnan when we need him?

Cleanup

2006-12-10T19:38:00.001+08:00

Hmm. i think i have cleaned up most of my computer. Kinda satisfied with it. At the very least, i've burned the videos and anime into archives on my DVDs... so i can free up the space. now all that's left is to run scans and cleanups overnight to speed up my com..

still in a pretty bad mood today. wasn't exactly in the mood for talking or anything. sometimes i just wish i don't get affected by these BGR feelings. Though somehow, it's true that these feelings effectively shut off everything else when i'm training. or competing.

competition's coming soon. On the 17th.It's my first time shooting C-class, though i hope i will shoot at my peak on that day itself.

I seriously need a break. i'm just feeling too tired to do anything academic. I wish my brain would function, but it normally switches off after an hour or two of lessons.. and refuses to take in information.=X i'll still have to wait for a week....

depression.

2006-12-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

i don't know. i tend to be very depression prone. perhaps this is a personality trait of melancholic type personalities. like myself.

in times like this i just wish i could just have the rolling green pastures.... one target board... my bow and arrows.. nice sunny weather.. and me alone with myself.

no.. i HAD to be in school training....

i don't know. don't feel like saying much.

i wanted so much to pamper myself a bit... after all the hardships i've been through for so long. wanted to have something really nice to eat. drat. my mum wouldn't cook my favourite stuff.. okay rather, she had cooked some tofu stuff...

I was almost just tempted to ask my mum to come fetch me home from school... something so counter-intuitive... just felt so in desperate need for a nice pamper.. :(

anyway, i took the train home after training... pampered myself with a nice ramly burger and goreng pisang. well, that's all i could really afford if i were to carefully spend my finances.

sometimes i wonder why i struggle so hard. is there light at the end of the tunnel? i'd love to spend this time in a nice hangover.

I NEED a holiday. :(

mondays....

2006-12-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

finally over with monday.

sigh.. i have a LOT to catch up with before the end of the semester. :( everything just ain't going right in my life. monday's barely over but i have to prepare for the mental torture of tuesdays. damn. i hate tuesdays.

so many things to rush during the week.. sometimes you wish you could take a breather during wed thu and fri. When you're barely done taking the breather.. you're back into the RUSH of monday and tuesday.

got so many things on my back. i need a break. A very long one. one that i've been wishing for ever since poly started....

depression

2006-11-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

just lost the mood to do anything productive/academic. I need a holiday/break.

well, i kinda lost some of my spirit to train. feeling depressed.

i don't know where all this negative energy comes from. somehow everything's squeezing the life out of me. i need some space. i wish studies didn't take up so much of my time. actually my real love.. would to be a full time archer... or working in some archery development company. or teaching. But either way.. .right now pursuing this extraordinary path, i have lost the privilege of being a 'normal' person anymore. for all thsoe out there who still have the privilege, do enjoy it while it lasts.

Carbon bow.... under my wishlist?

2006-11-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

http://www.win-archery.com/eng/popup/inno%20bow%20detail.htm sweet shit. I want it. But i don't have the cash :( well, i guess.. the NX should be good enough. i'll be satisfied with it.

the pressure.

2006-11-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

Recently announced that Mr Bill wee will be sponsoring a set of foamcore limbs for one lucky guy and one lucky girl who wins our own internal competition. Pressure's mounting. It's my first time :( but if i win that set of limbs... everything... everything has a good chance.

all that's lacking from mysetup to make it a setup worth of international shoots.......is a set of limbs. apart from sights.. i mean. After all sights aren't really performance equipment.

i'm suffering from the immense pressure to get it right. i know it goes right down to the last shot. and i know in that one shot, every single point counts. in that one shot, everything.... everything is held in that one shot. The possibility of speeding up my equipment advancement by 6 months.... the possibility of competing at higher levels faster.......

all down to one shot. forty seconds. one click. one twang.