:Friday, May 06, 2005:
Well, I was doing my job as usual today,... running errands, sending covers and other urgent confidential documents to various companies around tanjong pagar area, and I was feeling so hungry.. Well, I was debating whether or not to get a snickers to like, keep me going.. However, keeping in mind tht I have a tight budget, I decided against it.
Having taken my very first job, I realised and experienced so many things that could probably never been experienced in school life. This hunger almost drove me crazy. Now that i'm to manage my own finances, I have to control my diet.. much as I wanna eat and get fat, I can't, cuz I have to watch my expenses. Those of you out there who can get fat, count yourselves lucky. i'm still skinny as a rake, no matter how much I try. Well, there was a buffet here today, cuz a new company was getting listed, so I really ate my fill. I was SOOOO hungry. well, I felt satisfied and sleepy after that.. HArghs.. whatever..
But i'm still feeling inferior to her.. so unworthy of her... I mean... she's right now studyign.. studying complex mathematics and arcane sciences... while me? i'm stuck here.. doing odd jobs.. I get paid... peanuts. whatever. it's a lot to me now, since i'm not paying for my water bills and all that... i just need to pay for my own transport and lunch.. tht's it... Still, this is peanuts...This is the market price of an O level or A level cert. $10 per hour is perhaps the most you can get, which is super rare. I'm only getting about 3/4 of that.. and that is considered high already.. whatever..
well, i can't wait to be put back into school.. at least i'm studying something. I hope to be able to find a friend whom I can really be good friends with. Hmm.. someone like en hua... hmm.. any mechanical engineers in debate club? hmm...
I'm 'skiving' at work, taking a lil' bit of time off to type my blog entry,.. nothing much here.. it's just work.. ANyway, I can't like, go around taking pics cuz lotsa the stuff here is confidential ... (they are building a new nuclear warhead here, you know..? ) yeah right they are...
hmm. Well, tomorrow is saturday.. Cool.. I can slack at home in th morning.. Or actually im yearning for a game of badminton.. I hope I can organise such a game sometime.. the june hols perhaps?.. Somethign makes me regret not staying in JJ.. If i stayed in JJ.. I would get a lot of CCA points because of band and shooting.. I possibly would be able to get access to the CDans shooting range cheaply, forlife... then I can take part in the hosting of hte pre-U seminar.. since this job was given over to the debators right from the start... If I stayed in JJ... I could have gotten my dream subject combination.. If I stayed in JJ, I could have been able to go to church camp (lets hope this special someone doesn't get to go either.. or i'm sooooo gonna be jealous...ok..grow up... *smacks myself on the face* [haa.. who cares.. i have a forehead protector.. smack all you like..])
SIancity.. Well, speaking about badminton.. about sports.. we haven't played capt's ball as a YF for quite some time.. I mean, the last outing on mayday(monday) we got a chance.. but most of the senior ones left. I was perhaps the oldest one there playing capt's ball.. I left not too long later... after they decided to play soccer instead.. I wanna organise a game of capt's ball sometime.. perhaps before YF... after the exams.. well, if hte response is good enuf, then that's really cool...
Sian.. well, im going to knock off soon.. another half an hour or so..
:Wednesday, May 04, 2005:
Hmm.. Just spent almost a whole day at TY's house.
Well, we started off watching naruto movie.. Well, as always, the whole thing was nice.. Like a normal episode, only thing is that the movie has almost no relation to the normal eps.. It's nice to see sasuke, sakura and naruto working together again as nin team 7... HAven't seen much of that since Zabuza... Hmm. Come to think of it.. alot of pretty coincidenta things. I was from OG7 in JJ.. hm.. Lol..
Well, Ty was really funny with his bunnies.. He would be like, jumping up onto the sofa (the bunnies were housed behind the sofa) and he woud be like "baad buny.. now go back!" haha.. the sight of doing that was pretty comical..
Well, after that, during lunch, I decided to get him to try the personality selector quizzes in my blog (it's on the navbar.. scroll down the navbar.. it's there.) then for the 'soulmate selector' (the one that says "I love noisy girls-ANKO;with a pic of ANKO on it.. I chose that pic cuz I thot ANKO looked chio-er than any one of the girls in naruto.. but I hate noisy girls..) he got Haku.. haha.. he was like WTH!!!... haha..
Anyway, we watched russel the comedian.. he was so funny. he was recounting a time where he went to his friend's house. then his friend's dad asked him to do stuff. then his friend showed his dad the middle finger.. and didn't end up having to do the stuff. then he went home and tried that.. and got a beating. Next day, he asked his friend. so his friend said, "oh.. i forgot to tell you. that works only because i threaten to call children's aid" so russel went home and did that again. Then when his dad was about to whack him, he used the threat.. so his dad was like, "oh.. i'm so scared!" "okok.. here's the phone" "i'm not afraid because i know they take 23 mins to come. and in that time, somebody going to get hurt"(wahah. the last phrase was sooo funny. cuz before tht, he was going on about how his dad always said 'somebody's going to get hurt' before he whacked him.. then he would be like, "i hate that.. it gives me false hope that it's not me" haha.. then his dad will be like "I think you know that somebody very well..")
ok..haha.. enough of hte comedian.. ANyway, the selector tests were crapping tze yuan out... I came back and we started doing the tests together. I kept getting tidus for the FFX one. I did three and got tidus for all three. hmm. dono why i keep getting the main characters for these personality selector tests...
I never played FFX so I don't know what tidus is like.. hence I answered the questions with 100% honesty..
hmm.. nah.. shant post more.. i'm going back to do more..haha
:Monday, May 02, 2005:
Nothing much. Actually, it's fine. The outing. At least, I got to see her for another day. Silly me..
Well, for a full account of what we did, you can try going to keene's blog... www.keenechen.blogspot.com .. he's got it there, fully illustrated with pictures.
Well, I don't have much to say. My heart is in total turmoil. Who asked me. Who asked me to trust in the strength of man.?
Disappointed. i'm totally disappointed. We won. The guys' team won. That counted for nothing. I ran a total of about 4.8 km or more in total. More than my cross country. What does that count for?
Damn.. I couldn't even get to rollerblade. it had to rain. And when it rained, it had to rain only after I reached shelter. I couldn't even walk in the rain. damn.
Sorry. I edited the previous half of this sentance. I mustn't profane the name of the Lord, or take it in vain.
I'm totally disappointed. I want to have leave. I want out. now.
Sometimes.. in times like this.. it would be comforting to have a other half to confide in. But if that's why I want a other half, a soulmate, a missing rib, a little finger.. whatever you call it..if thats why I want one.. then i'm wrong for even wanting one in the first place.
There again, am I mature enough to handle a relationship? am I able to keep it and studies together? There again.. am I ready to lead, and is the person i'm looking at ready to submit? most importantly.. does that person like me? I guess to most of these questions, the answer is no.
Turmoil.
Alone.
I want out.
:Sunday, May 01, 2005:
greatest mystery of all time....
You are tied by a rope to a tree anchored to the ground as shown in the pic below..
there's a lion waiting for the candle to burn off hte rope so that he can have his lunch. Your survival solely hinges on the fact that hte rope is still intact. However, the candle is slowly cancelling that effect. Hence the only way out would to be blow off the candle. how would you convince the lion to blow out the candle for you?
THink before scrolling down to find the ansewr...
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-thiniinkk
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think harder!!-
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ok.. heres the solution...
youre now an official lamer like me...
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WEll, matters of the heart are just so prevalent.. sometims it comes to a stage where I begin to hate it.
Everytime I see her, I feel a mixture of feelings rush through me... First feeling is a natural reflexive feeling of joy... then suddenly.. I remember that this joy is unfounded. I can't share this joy with her.. Sometimes I envy couples. I mean, seeing each other elevates them to a state of joy.. I mean, just like that.
Sometimes I just like to lose these thoughts over a rollerblade session... where my thoughts slip away with each pace. Sometimes I just feel so frustrated by it, I speed on my blades and do all kidnsa dangerous stuff.. just to remind me to get back to reality.
sighs.. i'm so on the bottom of this... I wish I was a sword practitioner. If I were, I would go for freestyle swordplay. That's not the matter. The matter is that I would have a proper training sword and proper training ground to practice.. THen with each stroke, with each slash and thrust, I can just.. put those feeligns to a temporal rest.
It's been 5 years or so already. or at least, 4 years. Anyone liked a girl that long? Beats me. I never expected I would.....