Dying BLog. Provoked thoughts.
:Friday, June 17, 2005:
Rather uneventful day. Was late for class. Not very late, but anyway, enjoyed electronics practical class. We learnt how to wire the breadboard (hm. The lecturer was like... dono why's it called a breadboard. then we heard blackboard. so he said no no... i meant breadfirst that bread... lol)
Then we had an early break.. it was pretty easy. Attaching the wires to the breadboard, and mounting the ICs (in which logic gates were stored) and wiring them to the LED output systems. So then we explored the different gates, like the XOR gate.. etc.
We went for breakfast at FC4.. I ate aloe sea coconut with ice... Hm. pretty inappropriate for breakfast, huh? ... hmm.. Then we went up for electronics lecture. THe lecturer kept making mistakes cuz some ppl kept making noise. Man.... if only they could be quiet. But I managed to pick up as much as he taught. Like the addition and subtraction of binary, and the BCD(binary coded decimals), and other things we learnt earlier during the lab lesson like the Boolen code, which he kept making mistakes on because those guys kept making noise.
Well, I went home, and went rollerblading. lotsa thoughts, lotsa reflections. Childhood days which I wished to forget. Ah well, it was better than thinking about camp constantly. While they were playing games all together in malaysia, here I am, a lone rollerblader in the park. Sigh. I went home, and fell asleep not too long after.
Woke up, ate and went for FCM. Hmm.. today Grace Owyong came.. haha.. another addition. well, we had a 'race' where I, the engineer miscalculated that the purple line would be faster. we ended up 7 mins later than lydia (cuz we decided to walk at normal speed. ARGH) who took the normal city hall way. hmm.. embarrassing for an engineer. But suddenly, after the mrt trip back.. I so wish to talk to somone.. but no one to talk to. sigh. i guess i'll go sleep. sleep is the best anesthetic for the heart.
The reversehaven spoke at 11:00 PM
:Thursday, June 16, 2005:
Sigh.. Well, another not-so-eventful day. One thing to rejoice in, though. However, spent mosta the day unable to concentrate.. languishing over not being in camp.
Well, Woke up at about 8 to play Xwing Alliance. More of to make sure that I wouldn't wake up late (at 10+) and end up late for lessons. A bad habit i'm trying to curb. Well, I completed quite a few missions, but I wasn't satisfied with my flying skills. Well, went to school rather grudgingly.. had to end my game.
I rushed up T18, thinking i'm just on time, then I realised what a baka I am... because today's thermofluids lesson is practical.. held at W12.. Baka!!! but I didn't know how to get there. fortunately, I glanced left, and there! there was Kassim(er.. okay.. I always call razali kassim, cuz razali looked like his name is kassim.haha.) Lab lesson wasn't too boring. Just had to do some stuff. Had a few minor tiffs over the methodology, but we sorted out in the end. Then the lascivious guys in my group proposed going to FC6(at school of business A.K.A Emei hill, with loads of girls) for lunch. ARGH. okay. whatever. It seems I was going to miss the delicious food at FC4 when we reached there and realised how cheap the stuff there was.. hmmm. and like the rest said, cheap food and great girls. Okay. quite worth the walk up..haha..
Then we wanted to get down, and we decided (for the fun of it) to run down a slope rather than taking the long route down via stairs. Some of us used the drain on the slope as stairs.. then wua huan was too scared to come down.. haha. so he went the long way. After that, we went straight to the class for AutoCAD lesson.
Auto CAD lesson was plain boring. But I am pretty afraid that this will be one of the modules I can't get distinction for. Sigh. Alot of things I don't understand. Although I am one of the fastest in using AutoCAD to design stuff, I don't have the theory background unlike ppl like Ng Cheng Kai. sigh. Well, my mind kept trailing off to camp. I was thinking how much fun they would be having in camp at that time. Sicne it was afternoon time, it would be games time. Either swimming, tennis, or capt's ball. Really miss playing with them. T_T
But one thing to rejoice about... i got my job from SPGG.. So in the future I'll be earning a bit of a salary whilst studying. Went to the bowling alley with freddy only to realise that it's open only to members after six. ARGH. went home then....
Sigh. Edi came back. What a waste. If I were him, i'd stay all the way. But aRGH. if only I could even be there for a day or two at all. SIGH. my heart's ripping out of it's sockets. bleeding. if only this week will pass sooner...
The reversehaven spoke at 10:04 PM
:Wednesday, June 15, 2005:
Well, an elaboration from yesterday's post...
So, I followed freddie to the band room yesterday. Right after school. (damn.. forgot to get the archery form). Well, I went there, and we met two seniors from year 2. They were super crappy, and Freddie was like, "is he a saxophonist?" for every guy who walked past. Was feeling super listless as we watched the two seniors eat there.. The band room has become their second home. Well, then they went in there and we all sat at the sofas. Was feeling even more listless as we heard them crapping away. Absolute waste of time. I so felt like not goign for band.. cultural shock.
Couldn't find a good excuse to get away... so I sat there till it was time to get the joystick from Tze yuan. There was nobody there to like, see who's going in and out.. so I just went out, took the CDs, put in my pocket, and went to Ngee Ann poly.
Well, 184 took faster than I expected. One turn and suddenly, whoa.. i'm in bukit timah already?! so I was there like, half an hour before time. Jeremy was at his malay friend's house (can't remember his name.. sorry!) collecting squash equipment. I told him to hurry while I walked around ngee ann. Then suddenly, at the atrium, I saw geri..haha. bet she was just as surprised to see me. And she even thought I was studying in NP..hahaa.... Well, I just told her I was at SP (looking around to see if ppl were looking at me while I said "SP") and that I was in DME. Can't remember for nuts what course she was in..lol.
Then I met Jeremy... Whoa.. totally changed look. Looked like some alien.. lol. okay. so he toured me around.. we went all the way to the fourth floor of the library just to find a toilet for him to change and all that..haa.. Then before they could really bring me around, TY ended class.. He didn't have the joystick with him, so I went over to his house to take it..haha..
Well, went over and took the joystick, and watched him play XwA the last mission for abit.. .then I carried the ohbiang joystick for band. luckily it fit in the box which my clay models were stored. i'll talk about the ideas module later on.
I totally wasted my time there. At band. I went there.. the people were so very melded into their cliques. I only managed to talk to one flautist in total, when there were like, 10-15 flautists? And she only talked to me about necessary stuff like what I needed to know... and I only got to ask her about like... "how do I join band?". In the end, It ended up in a decision, Choose Christ or Choose band. Well, I guess it's either miss FCM or miss band. I chose the former, Praise God!
During their so-called 'orientation' of freshie... we all freshies had to stand up in front.. and get 'interrogated' by the seniors shouting questions from the back in a rowdy manner. Man! I expected a band to be better cultured than that. I got a total cultural shock. Not only did I have to return like, one hour later because of all that stupid interrogation and hte lame questions they asked each freshie, I didn't get to play much of XwA. and I was even more pissed becauese I was already wasting time there since I was not allowed to join because I can't commit my fridays.
Well, that ends the account from yesterday. I barely even had time to type it out last night before my dad logged off.. since I returned so late.
Well, down to the ideas module. I thought ontography was total crap, and it only got worse as we had to make a clay model out of it. Whatever. WEll, I just made some crap, and we'll see how they are going to force-fit a product design into it. whatever.
We're supposed to be designing something at random (using the clay model and making it's shape) and suddenly, it's going to be the breakthrough design for something. How crap can this get? too bad one of my fav lecturers (mr Soh) is teaching it. Auto CAD is no longer taught by him..
Today was mechanics. We were taught by a Dr Pek. He just got his doctorate not too long ago. But honestly, he's a good teacher, getting all the facts across to us students. ANd he has a wealth of experience which he shares with us. Too bad he's not our regular lecturer. Mr Raj, our regular lecturer, is on leave until next week. I hope he's good. But well, if he's not, I still can go ask Mr Pek.. Although Mr Pek is abit nerdy, he's a pretty nice person to stick around with. Well, hope he teaches me in the future..haha.
Tomorrow is AutoCAD lesson. I just hope I'll be able to talk to the teacher.. if I can, i'll try to tell her that we would prefer lessons that allow us more exploration space, more thinking, rather than her current step-by-step "Tell you and you do" method. Well, at first I thought she was rather haggy, and hated her for it. But toward the end of the lesson, my heart softened as she adapted to the situation quickly by trying to give us more space bit by bit. WEll, I do hope, seeing this, that she would be willing to change if I tell her that giving us more space to work would be good.
Hmm.. good news.. SPGG is not under SP control. SO actually I can just drop by, tell them my free time slots, and I'll be allocated work times. I hope to do that soon, and start work soon. It's like, twenty bucks or so per evening. not bad.
My heart feels ripped again. Today, the second day of camp. Just imagining what they'll be doing now in someone's room... playing games, singing songs, sharing... and she'll be there too... just makes me feel really.. T_T jealous... T_T I miss that kinda fellowship. well, hopefully it'll be over soon. and they won't talk about it. I feel totally terrible.
The reversehaven spoke at 10:34 PM
ripping apart.. Band a waste of time...
Well, I was ripping apart again today. Kept thinking about church camp. Just couldn't part with it. Well, perhaps I didn't see what God had in store for me until today. Well, perhaps it's good I didn't go church camp. Maybe I would have faced greater pain (seeing her, but not being able to talk to her? hm.)
But one thing is sure... He had a trial for me. And Praise the LORD! I made the right decision. I feel so good now.
Well, I decided to go for band together with freddie. I was so excited. Finally could join a band.. Get new exposure. New experience. Then we went into the band room. And I realised how flirt the girl (who was there, rebecca is her name, if i'm not wrong) was.. Totally.... well, As I was beginning to feel left out, they started talking to freddie and I. Okay. whatever.
I went off at 4 to collect the joystick from Tze yuan. met Jerm.. totally couldn't recognize him.. haha. Well, he had this malay fren with him, who joined squash wiht him. This malay fren of his joined archery too (ahh.. hey!) well, I enjoyed their company, until ty's class ended (yay). oh ya.. i passed the naruto CDs to Jerm.. hehe.. And I was like, pretending.. "here's the stuff... stuff..."(as though it was xxx or drugs or sth..haha. then his malay fren was totally spooked ... lol)
Well, went off with TY to his house to collect his joystick. watched him play XwA.. the death star mission.hehe. then I went off.. back to schol.. with my ohbiang joystick in plastic bag. lol. fortunately I came back on time, and the joystickk fit into the box with all my clay models. hehe.(talk about the ideas module tomorrow night. My dad's going to slp)...
I think i'll continue the elaborate details tomorrow. My dad's going to log off. Well, for me, in a nutshell, I was forced to choose between going FCM on fridays, and hence not being allowed to join band, and joining band and attending on fridays. Well, I chose the former, Thank God! Well, through all that peer pressure and all that.. i'll elaborate tomorrow. I wasted my time there. WAs pretty pissed. but ah well!
i'll elaborate tomorrow.
The reversehaven spoke at 12:21 AM
:Monday, June 13, 2005:
i'm totally ripping apart. This ripping feeling.. the second time i've ever felt in my life.
All other camps I would gladly forgo. Not this camp. I just couldn't concentrate in lessons... Couldn't sleep last night. Can't share much with anyone. Not like anyone is going to understand.
Well, I wish I could have unlimited cups of some drink, a nice, quiet place... and loads of time to drink it off...
OR I would wish I had a pair of nice new blades... a long road with no cars on it... and I can like.. just lose my thoughts rollerblading..
Sigh. I want a holiday. a mental, physical holiday. I want time with my friends in church. I want time spent playing with them. I want time to look into my spiritual life too.
Kept flashing back to last year's chruch camp. Barely could grasp anything that the lecturer was talking about. T'was fine in mechanics and thermofluids. Wasn't in engineering math.. since the lesson was alot more intense.
Sigh. don't have the mood to do anything. just wanna go somewhere and mope. only prob is i dont' have anywhere I can mope. Church camp would be the best place to mope. In some cafe(like last year's camp). At least, I could be playing pool at the pool table (if there's one like last year's camp) with one person... chatting, whilst I sip a cup of milo or something.. and whack balls. at least i'll be happy that way.
The reversehaven spoke at 9:43 PM
:Sunday, June 12, 2005:
Well, While my church goes for church camp... mosta the YFers go for church camp too.. LEaving me alone here, online and offlnie. Sigh.
Well, she's going too,... not that it bothers me.. But I wish I could go too.
Was just a bat of an eyelid away that we just commenced the last camp.. I still remember the waiter dropped the dessert near my table at that time.. I can still remember how disgusting it looked. Sigh. I can still remember my cunning attemts at getting her photo. Whatever.
Sigh. I'll be missing this year's church camp.. T_T I mean.. I always enjoyed playing games with YFers. But I rarely get to do so nowadays. Now that i've gone poly, chances will be even rarer, since I can't go for YF camp or church camp, which we'll get the most opportunities to play.. T_T
feelign so alone, so hollow right now. I'm wondering how i'll be able to continue with my studies for the next week. I wish I can command thoughts into my head and thoughts from my head. I wish my brain had a delete button or a reformat function. or a encryption, at least.. to encrypt thoughts of her till it's the right time to have such thoughts. But sadly, we have very little control over our thought life. I wish I can choose not to like her. I can't.
The reversehaven spoke at 9:41 PM
Well, went for archery free shootout today. I went in at 1 and I was surprised to see a few chiobus there.. ok. fine. whatever. Never expected girls to take an interest to this sport.
WEll, I was super excited.. But in the end, I only got to fire 9 arrows in waves of 3. Well, before that, we had a briefing of the safety rules and all that. Well, during the briefing, I pulled the bow, and I managed to get the correct stance... So I was eagerly waiting for the firing.. Then the first round of 3 arrows.. I totally embarrassed myself. First arrow, the bowstring hit my arm.. It was soooo pain.. then the senior was like.. or bee or bee... didn't wear the protector properly.. haha.. Second arrow, I totally missed. Third arrow, I forgot to grip the bow.... ok.. the bow flew with the arrow. you can guess... embarrassing...
Second round, wasn't too bad. Was my best. I got all my arrows in the red. I coulda gotten it in the yellow, but hte aiming recticle was not adjusted properly.. ARHGS... wel, next round..
Next round, I was just shooting.. all my arrows didn't hit much.. it all hit the blue.. so disappointed. I didn't get to shoot anymore. Next week is competition.. so no archery practice.. Then I'll have to wait till two weeks later to shoot my next arrow.. ARRGGHH..
Well, the arrow rest was very flimsy.. So each time I pulled the arrow, then it would drop off the arrow rest. then i would have to put it back on, and it would drop again. irritating......
After that, went to church because we had to sing at the missions night. I was pretty disappointed with
The reversehaven spoke at 12:11 AM