Depression
:Monday, March 05, 2007:
Someday, somehow, gonna make it alright, but not right now....
I hate this feeling. When you're just infatuated with someone. But you know for a sure fact that this someone isn't meant for you. Like you know, on the right sense of better judgment, you will stay away from this person, or not get too emotionally attached. But somehow, for no good reason that person just keeps occupying your thoughts. You keep pining for that person.
I hate that.
I'm beginning to feel a very desperate lack of females that fit into my selection criteria. So far only two girls of all the girls i'm in touch with will ever fit into this very strict expectation. There again, they're both very remotely connected to me. I barely get the chance to talk to them.
yeah. i'm at that age. that age which very much desires a girlfriend. I very deeply desire one, so deeply that i'm almost just inclined to take any girl that comes along.
sometimes i wish i can just numb my emotions. Disregard them. I hate the way they affect my life, my day. It's just like going around the rigours of your normal day, but with a tingling pain at the back of your head. I hate getting infatuated with a girl. Especially this time. I know it's not love. Better character would have me put her aside altogether. But my wild, untamed hormones scream out within me, threatening to blow me up from within.
Bad things come in the dozens. good things come only in twos. But while this is happening, yet at the same time i'm still feeling very lost.
I just wish for now i don't have to meet people. Don't have to wear that clay mask over my face. to veil my sadness, my frustration. I just wish for this storm to blow over. But before it does, life still goes on. I can only wear this fake smile over my face. My face feels like it's going to crack soon.
but for right now, all i can do, is to bury my emotion deep in my heart. Buried, never to be known. And wear that mask of mine.
The reversehaven spoke at 9:57 AM
